If you want to create a larger audience for your work, learn about publishing a book or building a successful speaking career, and find out how to use social media to expand your reach, please join me in San Diego on 6/1-6/3 for our Speak, Write, & Promote: Become a Mover & Shaker program. You can learn more here.

Happy Mother’s Day to my mom, Ann Richardson, and my mother-in-law, Pat Gerrish.  Both women are such blessings in my life…

Love,

Cheryl

p.s. – Need a little Divine Direction? Use the “Touch of Grace” button on our homepage here.

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Mothering Message

I recently met a woman who told me that she’s kept the following letter with her ever since I shared it in this newsletter long ago.  Inspired by her, I thought it might be a good message for Mother’s Day.  After all, extreme self care, at its core, is about good mothering.

When you decide to take time for yourself and you feel a bit uneasy, please remember these words…

Sweetheart,

Don’t worry, you’ll be okay
Slowing down is good
Wisdom simmers and steeps and grows with time

Stop pushing yourself
You are enough just as you are
There is no need to perform

Relax
Let life unfold
You have what it takes to handle anything
Anything

Good things come from patience, not pushing
Let space and time reveal something miraculous
Trust life

Accept where you are
Right now
Stop the judgment and internal lectures
Just be here

Don’t run or think or eat or scheme
Return to yourself in this moment
Where life is perfect and peaceful and safe

Love,

Cheryl

Take Action Challenge

Whether you’re a man or woman, please remember to be a good mother to yourself this week.

This week’s video is a fun look at a special little cat.  You’ll find i there.  Thanks, Joan!

I’ll be going to San Diego on 6/1-6/3 for our Speak, Write, & Promote: Become a Mover & Shaker program. If you want to create a larger audience for your work, learn about publishing a book or building a successful speaking career, and find out how to use social media to increate your reach, you won’t want to miss this weekend.  It’s awesome!  You can learn more here.

I’m live on the radio this week (5/7 at 5pm ET/2pm PT) and you can listen by visiting HayHouseRadio.com. You can also call for laser coaching at (866) 254-1579.

Have a terrific week!

Love,

Cheryl

p.s. – Need a little Divine Direction? Use the “Touch of Grace” button on our homepage here.

cherylrichardson.com
twitter.com/coachoncall
Facebook.com/cherylrichardson

Take Action Challenge

Take a large sheet of paper and create several columns. At the top of each column list an “account category” such as love, community, confidence/self esteem, courage, emotional and physical health, etc.  Once you’ve completed these columns, write down your current assets in each of these areas. For example, under “community” you might list close friends and family members. Or under physical health, you might list those things you already do to take good care of your body.

Once you’re clear about what you do have, notice what’s missing. Then, pick one area that needs more attention and make a deposit this week.

This week’s video is an inspiring look at what happened when a man made regular deposits to his emotional, spiritual, and physical health.  You’ll find it here.  Thanks, Kate!

You’re So Sensitive

When I was a little girl my dad used to call me Sarah Heartburn – a funny twist on the French movie actress Sarah Bernhardt – because I had a tendency to be a bit dramatic when things didn’t go my way.  The truth was that I was a highly sensitive child.  I cried easily, felt deeply hurt when kids called me names or made fun of me, and was prone to bouts of loneliness and a kind of sadness that I didn’t understand.  It wasn’t until I read “The Highly Sensitive Person,” by Elaine Aron, as an adult, that I understood what was going on.  It was one of those rare experiences when a book seems to put your whole life into perspective and you suddenly understand yourself in a brand new way.

For years I used to beat myself up for being sensitive.  Like the little girl who felt too much, as a woman, I still cried easily, felt bowled over by too much stimulation – the kind that came from big crowds, bright lights and loud noises, and was deeply hurt by criticism and mean-spirited remarks.  I hated being sensitive – loathed it, in fact, until a conversation with Thomas, my coach at the time, changed everything. 

I had given one of my first speeches on coaching and had received criticism on an evaluation for how I presented my ideas.  The review was harsh and the pain of it stayed with me for days.  During our call, I described the feedback to Thomas, saying, “I hate that I’m so affected by this stuff.  You can’t believe what’s gone on in my head since I read that review – ‘I suck as a speaker, forget about doing this for a living, stick to being a coach, kid.’  I’m just too sensitive and I hate it!”  Thomas listened thoughtfully as I continued on about how upset I was and when I finished, he delivered one of his classic one-liners that shifted my perspective. “You know, Cheryl,” he said, “the way I see it, your sensitivity is your greatest gift.  It’s gotten you to where you are today and it’s what makes you a great coach.  If I were you I’d protect this gift rather than hate it.”

Protect my sensitivity? Now there was a concept I never considered before.  The idea that my sensitivity might be a blessing rather than a curse encouraged me to think about it in a new way.  There certainly were benefits.  As a child and as an adult, my sensitivity translated into a keenly perceptive ability to read people.  With a tilt of the head, a blink of an eye, or a slight shift in tone of voice, I often knew what someone was thinking or feeling.  This ability developed over time into a finely tuned intuitive knowing that allowed me to be quite effective as a coach and teacher.  I could anticipate people’s needs.  I often knew what a student needed before they knew themselves.  As I listened carefully to a client who was trying to find his or her way, I could see a path form in front of them showing us both which direction to go in.  And I often found myself choosing – with my heart, not my head – the exact words someone needed to hear.   

My sensitive side also caused me to feel deeply connected to nature, animals, birds, music, and art. These qualities and experiences of sensitivity are certainly not unique to me.  We all possess a level of sensitivity that, when taken seriously and protected, can open us to a rich and satisfying experience of life.  When we’re sensitive, we’re better able to see beauty everywhere and in everything – from flowers to weeds, in joyous experiences and in the poignantly sad ones as well.  Sensitive people also tend to be empathetic – kind and compassionate people who can easily put themselves in the shoes of another.  They naturally become sensitive to the feelings of others and, as a result, care about how their actions affect the world. 

My decision to protect my sensitivity rather than disown it, was one of the most influential acts of Extreme Self Care I’ve ever taken in my life.  It gave me permission to be myself – on a soul level – in spite of what the world around me said I should be.  And here’s an interesting thing:  As I learned to protect my sensitivity, it did the opposite of what I expected.  Rather than leave me feeling like a pincushion in a world full of pins, it actually made me stronger and better able to use my gifts.  Becoming aware of what I needed to safeguard this gift allowed me to take it out of the box when I wanted so I could use it to my advantage.  When you begin making choices that support your sensitive, feeling side, you create the sensory safety you need to open more fully to rich experiences and the beautiful nuances of life.  You allow your creativity to flourish, your intuitive muscles to kick in, and you gain access to your heart, connecting you with humanity in a deeper, more intimate way.  

If you have any questions or comments, or for reprint permission of this newsletter,
please email: cheryl@cherylrichardson.com.

© Copyright 1999-2011. Cheryl Richardson, P.O. Box 13, Newburyport, MA 01950.
All rights reserved.

Greetings!

I’m live on the radio this week (4/30 at 5pm ET/2pm PT) and you can listen by visiting HayHouseRadio.com. You can also call for laser coaching at (866) 254-1579.

Have a great week!

Love,Cheryl

p.s. – Need a little Divine Direction? Use the “Touch of Grace” button on our homepage here.

cherylrichardson.com
twitter.com/coachoncall
Facebook.com/cherylrichardson

Topic of the Week

The Tapping Summit

Over the years many of you have heard me talk about “tapping therapy” – an elegant and efficient method for dealing with fears, phobias, trauma, addiction, weight loss, and so much more.  Tapping uses the body’s energy system (just like acupuncture) to clear away blocks that are keeping problems in place.  As you tap on specific points on the body while repeating phrases related to the issue, life-long problems often vanish.

When I first heard about the technique, it sounded too good to be true.  Then I experienced it for myself.  After my husband Michael was trained in tapping more than fifteen years ago, he successfully treated my fear of flying during a very bumpy flight.  After tapping with him for just fifteen minutes, my fear was completely gone (and stayed gone).  That’s all it took for me to take this unusual method seriously.  I began using it myself and then started sharing it with friends and family.  I’ve been consistently blown away by the results.

I share this information with you in this newsletter because I’m such a huge fan of this remarkable healing technique and I want as many people as possible to use it.  To that end, there’s an event I want you to know about.  It’s called the Tapping World Summit.  This virtual summit will allow you to learn all about tapping, how to do it, and what to use it on, from more than sixteen experts in the field (and it doesn’t cost a thing). You can use this technique for things like overcoming a fear of public speaking, losing weight, eliminating physical pain, or ending self-sabotage. It’s an opportunity you don’t want to miss.

To get access to this information, you’ll be asked to provide your name and email address.  Once you do, you’ll receive an email with all the info you need to access the summit so you can start using the technique.

I was privileged to do a video interview with Jessica Ortner, to help launch the series (Jessica and her brother Nick run TheTappingSolution.com).  Jessica and I talked about a variety of ways to use tapping for self-care issues like setting boundaries, overcoming conflict phobia, dealing with the anxiety that accompanies guilt, and so much more.  It turned out to be a very moving and meaningful interview and I hope you’ll watch it.  You’ll get the video when you sign up for the summit.

So, to gain access to the Tapping World Summit, simply visit here and fill in your information.  Then, once you do, I’d love to hear from you on Facebook about how your life changes.

Take Action Challenge

For a quick and easy introduction to tapping and how you can use it eliminate anxiety, check out the five-minute video I created on my YouTube TV channel here.

This week’s video comes to you courtesy of Esther and Jerry Hicks.  You’ll find it here.  Thanks, Robin!

Let Me Disappoint You

I hate being disappointed.  There’s nothing worse than getting your hopes up only to have them squelched when something doesn’t turn out the way you plan.  And that’s precisely why I hate to disappoint others.  Over the years I’ve watched myself go on autopilot when someone asks for a favor, saying “yes” when I know in my gut that I’d rather not do it.  Or I’ve suffered, spending too much time trying to come up with a graceful way to let someone down so they wouldn’t feel hurt or angry at my “no.”At our core, most of us hate to hurt or disappoint people.  As a matter of fact, many avoid it like the plague.  Here are a few reasons why:

• We want to avoid feeling guilty.
• We hate being disappointed or hurt ourselves and we want to spare others the emotional pain of that experience.
• We lack the language to say no with grace and love.
• We’re conflict phobic so we’ll do what it takes to keep the peace.
• We want people to like us.

One of the harsh realities about practicing Extreme Self Care is that you must learn to handle your anxiety when you end up having to disappoint people, hurt their feelings, or make them angry.  And you will.  When you decide to put an end to the cycle of deprivation in your life, you’ll need to start saying no, setting limits, and putting boundaries in place to protect your time, energy, and emotional needs.  This poses a huge challenge for most caring individuals. Why?  Because inevitably you’ll end up disappointing a friend when you decide, for example, to honor your need for a weekend off rather than agree to baby-sit her kids.  Or, there’s a good chance that you’ll hurt your teenager’s feelings when you tell him to walk to his friend’s house so you don’t have to chauffeur him around for the tenth time this month.  And, you can rest assured that you will piss off a spouse who suddenly has to do his own laundry because you’ve decided that you’re no longer going to play house maid to everyone who lives under your roof.  Trust me, you’ll be changing the rules of the game and some people won’t like it.  But, remember this: If you want to live a meaningful life that makes a difference in the lives of others, you need to make a difference in your own life first. That way your motivation is pure.  Feelings of discomfort, guilt, or fear are just part of the process of focusing on your own needs first.

It can be quite surprising to see the lengths we’ll go to to avoid hurting or disappointing people.  My conversation with Barbara, a woman who called into my radio show, was a good example.  Barbara was aware of her tendency to be a Good Girl and by the time she shared this story with me, she knew exactly what was going on.  “I’m about to commit the ultimate good girl act,” she admitted.  “For the last six months, my boss of ten years has worked hard to line up a transfer to a new position in a warm part of the country – something I’ve wanted for a long time.  But, as I go through the interview process it’s becoming clear to me that the job isn’t what I thought it would be and I’m starting to realize that I won’t be happy.  Here’s the crazy thing.  Believe it or not, I’m actually thinking about taking the job anyway because he’s really gone to bat for me and I hate to let him down.”

As outrageous as this story seems, I wasn’t surprised in the least.  If you think about it long enough, I bet you could come up with your own examples.  You agree to take a new client even though everything inside of you screams, “Warning! Warning!” because you don’t want him to feel rejected.  Or, you have an argument with your spouse about not having enough time together only to find yourself agreeing to head up a fundraiser for your kid’s school that very night because you want the other parents to know how committed you are.  Every day people make significant decisions based on what others want, knowing full well that on some level they’re committing an act of self-betrayal. The good girl (or good boy) habit is a tough one to put down.

So, what happens when you start to disappoint people or let them down?  When it comes to practicing Extreme Self Care in the face of our relationships, there’s something you need to know:  You may very well lose a few relationships in the process.  Up until this point, if you have a tendency to over give, there’s a good chance that you’ve trained the people in your life to expect it.  Now, by making your needs more of a priority, you’re changing the rules.  Don’t be surprised if someone close to you – a best friend, a family member, or a spouse, tries to pull you back into the fold of compliance.  And when this happens, the worst thing you can do is give in.  When you do, you give mixed messages and you teach people not to trust your word.  Instead you need to be honest, direct, and appropriately remorseful and that’s it.  Don’t overexplain, defend or invite a debate about your decision.  The fewer words the better.

If you have any questions or comments, or for reprint permission of this newsletter,
please email: cheryl@cherylrichardson.com.

© Copyright 1999-2011. Cheryl Richardson, P.O. Box 13, Newburyport, MA 01950.
All rights reserved.

After our first successful “The Next Step” coaching intensive in Atlanta last week, we’ve made an important change to the program.  The Toronto event (on June 23rd) will now be limited to 12 applicants instead of 20.  This special one-day coaching intensive is for 12 successful business owners chosen by Reid Tracy, president of Hay House, and myself.  We’ll spend the whole day together and participants will have a chance to:

• Pitch an idea and get valuable feedback on what works and what won’t.
• Fine-tune (or completely overhaul) their marketing and social media strategies to reach more people – lots more.
• Brainstorm a product, service, or direction for their company.
• Hone their presentation/communication skills so they know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they’re reaching the right people with the right message.
• Discover new, unexpected revenue streams just waiting to be tapped.

Toronto’s coaching intensive is on Saturday, June 23rd and we have others scheduled in Sydney, Australia, Washington, D.C. and Pasadena, CA.  For more info, visit here.

I’m live on the radio this week (4/23 at 5pm ET/2pm PT) and you can listen by visiting HayHouseRadio.com. You can also call for laser coaching at (866) 254-1579.

Have a terrific week!

Love,

Cheryl

p.s. – Need a little Divine Direction? Use the “Touch of Grace” button on our homepage here.

cherylrichardson.com
twitter.com/coachoncall
Facebook.com/cherylrichardson

Take Action Challenge

Pick one challenge from above and get it done within the next twenty-four hours.  Then, reward yourself with this beautiful, peaceful video.  Thanks, Colette!  You’ll find it here.