something that hasn,t been said

[joyce miller]

Hi I'm joyce
I'm 51 and I have 2 children. A girl who is 26 and a boy 23. I stayed home with them forever. My son had a learning and behavioral problem since 3 grade. They are now both on their own , although my son is still living with us.I have not done anything worthwile with my life. I am embarasssed when people ask me what I do ... I do nothing. I am an intelligent woman who has not made any form of life for herself. I suffer rfom depression and I am on medication for 12 years. I have nothing I am passionate about and I have friends I don"t really like. I can not find any interest in anything.It takes all my energy to make it through the day in one piece. My husband is no help to me he doesn"t want to no anything is wrong. I try to help myself but I don"t know how. I live in a community where the houses are big and everyone drives expensive cars. I have never rerally related or got close to anyone. I have two friends that I see and it's just an act I put on to maintain some sort of friendship so my kids don't think I'm antisocial. I have gone to Drs. before but they don't work. I am determined to turn myself around by myself and I am willing to do anything.

[Terre]

Joyce,

You can change your life if you really want to. I, too, am 51 years old, have a 19 year old son who has ADHD, and I suspect is also bi-polar. We have been through so much with him, fights between him and my husband, federal charges against him for ethnic intimidation via e-mail, problems at school, etc., etc. My husband is not supportive of me and does not like to hear about any problems I have at work or anywhere else. He constanntly complains about my spending money -- even $23 for a pedicure I get every other month! My husband has been abusive to me and my son over the years and I have been afraid to leave him. I have been in a depression for several years, too, and just started seeing a therapist who told me about Cheryl and her books. My mother past away recently and I have had trouble getting over her death because it was unexpected and she left my father and me for another man when I was 7 years old. I never forgave her for that and now I feel guilty that I didn't. On top of this, I recently remembered some hidden memories of being molested as a child. A memory that I had long blocked out of my mind is surfacing. We can do this together!

[Newleaf]

HI Joyce,
I'm new and I just read your post and I am a younger version of you! I'm in my mid 30's NO CHLDREN, divorced, medicated for 8 years for depression also. I live in dallas, tx and am a native. My friendship circle is no circle at all, ATLEAST you have two better than none. I'm living with my mother and when people ask me what I do for fun, I can't think of anything because I don't know how to have fun, nothing interest me except animals and music. I have two great cats though and I give them all my love. I'm glad I read your post, I'm not alone on how I feel surprisingly.
keep in touch.

[Lilah]

I'm new here too & I've been very depressed & unmotivated lately. I'm recently divorced tho the marriage was disaster from the get go. We got married on our b-day last year (our birthday's the same day) and it ended finally on May 26 - one week before our 1st anniversary. I really don't want to get into the gory details tho, sick of thinking about it & what if & if only - blah, blah. I'm glad I'm not alone, thank you. Just reading your stories really helped. Gotta be strong, gotta believe that I/we deserve better & we're gonna get it & it's really that simple, right? ya sure....*sigh*

[Newleaf]

It's great to know that someone else has gone through or is going through what I am. What are you doing with your life now to change it, any thoughts?

Jennifer

[Lilah]

Hi Jennifer,

Thanks for the reply. Just the support, finding this website is a step in the right direction. I'm taking baby steps, on the advice of my mom, who continually supports me no matter what. I moved recently, well 2 mnths ago, and most of my stuff is still in boxes, my house looks like tornado hit it, but my mom says "just do 1 thing, only 1 thing that you feel like doing each day". So far I've managed to get about 8 pictures hung, washed the windows and am slowly getting my income tax done - it was supposed to in by June 15/03, as i'm self-employed. I hope I don't owe any $$$ to the gov't or i'm in big trouble, but even that fact doesn't motivate me or the fact that i'll get my child tax credit every month. But by reaching out, focussing on the positive, maybe i'll get out of the slump i'm in. I really want to get off all the meds i've been taking.

Keep smilin' & take care cuz someone really does care - me!

[Newleaf]

lilah,
my mom gives me the same advice about coping with everyday things and even the smallest chore is hard to think about. She is the only one who is supportive of me, I stay home ALOT, rarely go out. I may have a form of agoraphobia, I don't like to be alone when I go out but still do it. Do you take any meds?

Jennifer

[shawna]

Dear Joyce,
I wish you would give yourself credit for the time you spent being a Mom! So many women give so much of themselves that they forget to take care of themselves. I have found volunteering to be a great opportunity to meet other people and a chance to help others too. At 51, you have the best years of your life ahead! Your wisdom and age are a great advantage! I know that things will work out. One question that I had to ask myself when I was depressed was, Why? What changes could I make in my life that would bring me out of my depression?

Good Luck,
Shawna