Circle of Courage ck-in 4/2/06

[mrsgoethert]

Here it is! So what have we learned about our selves? Anything to discuss? Should we stay with the introduction for this week? Should we read chapter 1? Let's hear from everyone. Check in with your thoughts.

Linda

[elenar]

I sure have learned a lot about myself just with the introduction. As I was reading this it brought back memories from a time after my divorce. It was the worst of times and it was the best of times. I was divorced with two young girls and one on the way. It was a really painful time in my life but in it I found the courage to grow and learn about myself. This was the one time in my life that I can say I had begun to have a relationship with myself. I was fearless!! I had friends that helped me when I needed help and I even learned to ask for help when I needed it. About a year after I was on my own. My friends began to treat me differently. They were talking about me behind my back and not being there when I needed them. They were critical of my decisions and very outspoken about me choices. I lost one good friend as a result. This scared the heck out of me. I then went back into a cocoon. I started to follow the rules that everyone set out for me. Don't be too happy. Don't be too confident. I think this too taught me not to trust friends or family. I am now very guarded in my relationships. Don’t get too close because they may turn on you and it will hurt.

I am very exited about this book, I think its just what I need to point me in the right direction.


I think we should focus on the introduction till everyone is ready to move on.

[LGB705]

I recognized that I needed to "stand up for my life" when I was 32yrs old. I couldn't continue to live in my 10 yr marriage the way it was, and my husband made it clear he was unwilling to make changes. It was painful because we had two children that were 18 months and 5.5 yrs old. That was 8 years ago and it has been an evolution. My family had a bit of difficulty dealing with the changes in my personality and how I finally voiced what I needed - sometimes even demanded it. I was always a people pleaser and put my needs aside - to the point of resentment. I like where I am now, but realize prioritizing and making my values come first is always going to have to be a conscious exercise. I love the paragraph about who belongs in your circle of friends - after I got out of that toxic marriage, I realized that even my friendships reflected how I tolerated selfishness and arrogance. It was hard, but over the years my circle of friends has changed and continues to add new great people. I now have different standards for what I consider a friend. And husband. It shows in my life and heart.

Now that I have made major changes, I feel like I am ready to focus on the next level. I have not read this book yet, so I am excited to get into it. With my father's death looming, I feel like I am open to new discovery and not taking anything for granted.

[mrsgoethert]

Wow, we've all been through divorces with young children. One thing that I realized immediately was that my son was going to be better off without the father. Drugs, alcohol were priorities on his list, not to mention other women. It was easy to leave him, although being pregnant at the time made the decision a little easier. I knew he would not at all be responsible so I knew I had to get out of the marriage. What I did notice later was just how much mileage I got out of that "my husband left me while I was pregnant" story. I mean, he probably would have been perfectly happy to ride it out - he didn't seem to care one way or the other. But I, on the other hand, really got to use the story for sympathy, poor single mother just struggling along. It was really something when I realized that it was something that I could use as my calling card, with embellishments to really play it in job searches, relationships, friendships. I realized that I wasn't at all hurt by the divorce, I really didn't want this man in my life at all. And he wasn't. Which I chose, but wouldn't admit it. I wanted the child support, which I never did receive (my son is 25 now). But I finally realized what a sick game I was playing oh about 20 years later, and was finally able to forgive him, and myself. It's stuff like this book, stepping back and looking at yourself when you begin to realize that there are other ways to live. Better ways!

I'm glad to see that we are making it over the hurdle here. I know that everyone's situation is different, and it is difficult, especially if there was love in the relationship. But it does teach you to stand up and take responsibility for yourself and your children. It is really one of the best growing lessons you can learn.

I hope that this discussion continues and that the others feel free to post! I will be in Michigan this weekend, so anyone who wants to start a new thread for Chapter one check in feel free, or continue in on this one. I'll be back Monday night and check in.

[elenar]

Hi everyone I have been away for a few days and came home to sick children. Everyone has the flu. I hope everyone else is doing well.

I must admit that I am a little stuck I plan to pick up the book tonight and do some work.
I'll check in soon. Have we moved on to chapter one?

Linda how did it go in Michigan on the weekend?

Laura how are you? How is your dad?

[mrsgoethert]

It was nice in Michigan, the weather was sunny and warm. Most of my family is well, although all of my friends seem to be going through health challenges. I'm very glad to be back "home". Never thought I'd say that. I'm sad to see that very few of us are still contributing - very few posts. Oh well, it will be more intimate this way.

Sorry to hear that everyone is down for the count in your household, elenar. I'm going to read chapter one, I guess 2 weeks is enough time to work through this. So, on Easter morning, I'll probably post a new check in. Hope everyone has a great holiday.

Linda

[elenar]

Hi Linda:


Intimate is good!!! I too am working on Chapter one. Getting to know myself. I liked the idea of setting time aside to do the one thing that I need to do. I think that one thisng is to journal. I don't like to journal but when I do it, I feel better and I see the benfits. Its the getting started that and finding the time that I have trouble with. Just in the last few weeks I have gotten to know things about myself that I had been ignoring. So I will journal this weekend.

I hope you have a great Easter weekend. I have 5 days off work so I plan to do some gardening. I live very close to Michigan ..in Ontario and the weather is very nice right now.

Talk to you soon

[LGB705]

I am still reading Chapter One. My father died on Monday and its been a blue every since. His funeral was yesterday (Wed). I can't believe I was actually able to get through the eulogy. :( I am taking my boys away for Spring Break starting Monday and I plan to relax and read. The one on one time for us will be very good. I will try to view his passing as another opportunity to get to know myself and for growth...but it is hard right now to do anything short of cry. We were very close.

Happy Easter to everyone.

Laura

[mrsgoethert]

Dear Laura,

I'm so sorry to hear of your father's passing. I know that anything that is said can't make the pain go away. You can take comfort in the memory of him, and the love that was real, and that will last forever. Take comfort in the fact that now he is everywhere, and you will see blessings (on his behalf) that you never dreamed possible. Watch for them. Don't be surprised when he makes his presence known. You will see him, in your children, in nature. You'll feel him. Truly, he's not gone. He's just on a different plane. Cry all that you need to. Be alone with the grief, or eventually, go to grief and loss support groups. They are very helpful. Just be kind to yourself and your children. But it is important and healthy to grieve, for as long as it takes. I'm sure that you have people in your life to help you through this, and you also have us. God bless you.

Linda

[elenar]

I too am very sorry to hear about your dad. I think going away for spring break is a great idea. I hope this time will be a time of healing for both you and the boys. Like Linda says, we are here when and if you need us.

[elenar]

Linda:

I see you are looged in. I you are there, check your private messages so we can chat.

[LGB705]

Hi there,

I am back and about to catch up on my reading.....I assume we will have a new thread message to write about or consider tomorrow.

Until then.....Laura

[Deise]

Hello ladies,
My name is Denise and I just recently started reading Cheryl's books. I love them. The one I am reading now directed me to this website. I love this idea working together on a specific book and having women like you to discuss it with. What book are you currently reading. I'd like to join you, so I will catch up. Are you still on the introduction? Thanks, Denise

[mrsgoethert]

Welcome Denise! We are going to be moving into chapter one, like today, so you are just in time. Feel free to post any insights you may have gotten from the introdution. I need to go and read chapter one and get started!