Help

[Irinja]

I just experienced something that sometimes happens to me and sometimes knocks me completely out for a while it´s very painfull too. Does any of you know this kind of "story"?

There I was, knowing I had things to work with. A little scared, quite excited as well and so on. Taking things one thing at a time or at least trying. Getting myself out of the worst situations I used to create ealier and so. Never completely satisfied but anyway, things seemed to go the right way. Getting more and more happy about who I was and so on. THEN..... Something happens. A conflict - an eyeopener, things I begin to see about myself, the worst of all ghosts just jumping out of the closet.... Am I really like that??? So Bad???? The most ugly scenario, right in front of me - the scenario is me.

All the negative voices coming back, every bad word about my person I´ve ever heard or thought- the tape playing and playing in my head.

All my plans - all my hopes and exercises - down the drain. Am I worthy of happines anyway? Hurting people, my temper, my insecurity all my faults double up. Suddenly the worst person on earth - just when I thought I was pretty ok. Help - what a shock.

Well.. I guess there is only one way to go and that is forward. But somtimes it´s easier than other times. Most times I manage om my own, but today I just felt like reaching out. These situations makes me feel so alone, even when I am not.

I hope you are all doing some of Cheryls great work or other great things and good luck to anyone whatever journey you might be on.

Irinja

[Denise Anne]

Dear Irinja,

You are not a terrible person - just a person........
as we all are - learning to understand our world .......
we are that world - the workings of our minds and our instant reactions to things that happen and how to change this our job - the hardest job there is.

Take heart - we are all reacting and wishing we were different - more in control etc etc ....all learning as we go how to change our bad habits and strengthen our good ones.

We are all a mix of the two.
Just being aware of what is wrong or what you don't like it a monumental first step - some people never even get to step one.

You are not alone and I send you my best wishes and strength to deal with those "somethings" that happen.

DENISE ANNE

[Denise Anne]

Dear Irinja,

You are not a terrible person - just a person........
as we all are - learning to understand our world .......
we are that world - the workings of our minds and our instant reactions to things that happen and how to change this our job - the hardest job there is.

Take heart - we are all reacting and wishing we were different - more in control etc etc ....all learning as we go how to change our bad habits and strengthen our good ones.

We are all a mix of the two.
Just being aware of what is wrong or what you don't like it a monumental first step - some people never even get to step one.

You are not alone and I send you my best wishes and strength to deal with those "somethings" that happen.

DENISE ANNE

[Irinja]

Hi Denise Anne

Thank you for your reply! I´m so glad for your reply. I think I´m really beginning to see, how important support is. And no matter how much we want to manage on our own, it´s so much easier, when there´s somebody beside you, when it´s needed.

I´m not used to reaching out. That´s why I was so glad that you gave me such a loving reply.

I´m working with the essence of it all, and I think it´s truly what I need to do right now. I hope you also get some good things out of this site, and that you are doing well, no matter what issues you might be working with.

Irinja

[Irinja]

Hi Denise Anne (and others as well perhaps)

I was so glad to be able to write here, when life knocked me over. I´ve also been glad for your response Denise Anne it helped me go further. Therefore I just thought I´d write a quick thank you once again also to tell that I´m thinking about deleting this post. (If possible I don´t know yet).

No reason to fill up space if wisdom already has come closer. Actually I´m quite glad that many of my ghosts came out of the closet. Now I know what to work with and that is really an advantage. After all it wasn´t quite as bad as I thougt in the beginning. Only quite new to me. Where there is a will there is a way. If the shadows didn´t appear sometimes, then how could we ever become whole?

I´ll delete the post next Monday I think. Once again

Thank You

Irinja

[Nancy B]

Irinja,

Your post and Denise Anne's have wisdom for us all.

You asked if anyone else knew your kind of "story." I can tell you many people did. The beauty of a story is that it is just a story. We don't have to own it, we don't have to get stuck in it, we have the power to change it.

Sometimes we say: "This is my story: I am a victim, a bad person, incompetent, etc, etc, etc." Then we identify ourselves as the story, and we're stuck. What you have done that is powerful is step out. You have said: "This is what happened. I don't like it. I can repair as much damage as possible and I can look at how I will choose to act next time." Your ghosts came out of the closet and now you can choose what role they play in your life.

Just wanted you to know that your courage in asking for support, and the wisdom you took away is valuable to many, and is a good way to fill any space.

[Irinja]

Hi Nancy

I just wanted to thank you for your warm words. I has taken me a while to reply, simply because I have a beautiful hard time learing how to recieve and say thank you when someting matters to me. I´m here learning how to feel I´m truly worth support and so on. Thank you so much for your kind words, they helped me grow. And thank you for the opportunity to build up my courage to say thank you.

I love the things going on here on the site, it´s such a nice place to visit and to grow from.

(An inner voice in my head is telling me; hey this wasn´t so hard was it? You can grow from recieving, not shrink, just decide you are worth the support. It is okay to need support from time to time).

So once again thank you

Love

Irinja

[Nancy B]

Irinja,

Congratulations and thank you! You made my day.

You've done it once, next time will be even easier. What fun!