Week #27 - Keep the Faith

[Cheryl]

Dear Friends,

What's happening in your life right now that might be challenging you to have faith? Are you nervous about achieving a goal? Is there a difficulty that's causing you to feel anxious or afraid? How has having faith served you in the past?

Share your thoughts, ideas and support with us here . . .

Love,
Cheryl

[Sue Moller]

I have been setting myself big challenges for the last two years, and have learnt about keeping the faith in different spheres, but I am now facing a challenge which revisits where I have been in the past, and the past is getting in the way of all my new strength!
I trained to teach when I left school( 25 years ago), rather because I had no better ideas. After eight years of different kinds of teaching, I finally left it, not because I couldn't do it, but because of the stress I gave myself about it.
So I drifted in administration jobs for the next 15 years, whilst bringing up children. I now realise that teaching is the ideal job to have when you have young children - holidays, local schools, etc and am retraining. On Friday I have to take a class for a whole day and it seems a monumental task that is overwhelming me. If I don't do it, I fail the course, I fail myself, I can't see a future. I feel so exposed and frightened of making a fool of myself in front of children I meet every day.
I am so filled with fear that I am stopping myself making any preparation, so of course I will fail.
I think it is just about not wanting to take the test because I don't want to fail. It is a theme that runs through my life. I so much want to overcome it, but it feels like it must be if you've never learnt to swim and are terrified of doing it (only I have taught before!).
There is a switch in my brain that I don't seem to have access to - or am I just spoilt?!

[Cheryl]

Hi Sue,

I know that feeling of fear and anxiety that occurs when we are about to do something that feels so important. I've had this feeling many times before giving a speech to a large group of people.

Here's what helps. When I get scared about whether or not I'll do a good job I remind myself that my focus is on *me* and not my audience. The moment I shift my thinking to how I might help, support, inform or simply love the people in that room I feel less afraid.

You have taught before. You clearly care about children. How would this experience shift if you focused on what the children need from you? How will you love them during the day? How will you touch their lives in some small way? What gift would you most like to share? The answers to these questions will turn your focus to where it needs to be right now -- on their needs and how you can best serve them.

Once you put your attention there, leave the rest up to God. If you show up, give your best, and love these kids, then the outcome is less important. If you get the job, great, it was meant to be. If not, there's something even better out there -- that's what faith is all about ;)

I'm sending you love and courageous energy right now . . .

Cheryl

[rosebud2004]

When I was younger, I kept a scrapbook of all my happy moments and achievements. Whenever I was down I'd play my favorite song and peruse that scrapebook. As I got older, I stopped updating my scrapebook. As a result of this thread, I'm going to buy a new scrapebook.

Tam

[bh419xx]

Ok, I am right there with Sue. I've set some big challenges in my life and ow there are some family hurdles I didn't expect to have. I am not sure how to act/re-act. I am working a full time second job ( I am a teacher, out for the summer with outside duties for my school and two others) and have started to work on my master's degree. I thought I had my children all ready for independence. My 18 year old has made some very bad choices and is digging himself into a hole. I am not sure how to help. He is not helping himself, I'm not sure he knows how... but will not accept any help that is not on his terms. SO, of course the problems are mounting. I am just not sure how to help. I know I cannot solve his problems as he will not learn from it nor change what he is doing...but in the meantime the problems are GROWING. NOR can I turn my back on my current obligations. I am not sure where the faith that he will come around starts and stops and where the sense that I need to be doing something and just what I should be doing enters in to this whole picture.
Faith versus action? then like Sue, second guessing those decisions or choices
and making no progress

[anitakumar]

I have failth in myself to do things but my emotions towards my family and my boyfriend are in the way. I want things to get better with my boyfriend. When I was younger I was able to leave them and go on alone and do what I wanted. It is not so easy now. I made a plan and set my goals and look at them everyday. The plan does not accomodate my family or my relationship.

My goal last year was to pursue my life with my boyfriend. We had a lot of hurting each other times lately. I am learning to forgive and to relax. Whatever, I do or decisions I make are always to move one step ahead. I havent started to look for a job as I intended. If I do it is most likely to end the relationship as we wont be able to see each other as I intend to get a job away from the city. Looking for a job is not easy as there is a recession. When I was young, even in the worst times I found a job. I can do it if let go of my boyfriend. This is the hardest choice I have to make. Either that or I continue to stay in the relationship and relax and let life sort it. With my boyfriend I am fighting a no win battle. Yes, maybe I should stop fighting and forgive and move on. I have kept on learning. I rather learn slowly as I like to jump in the deep end too quickly and get really stressed at the end ot it.

I need to keep a check of my plans and not let it deviate too much. I did get a job in the worst situation with my family and my relationship and the no work experience so I should be able to do it now. I have gathered the resources so I will go out get what I want and dont care what it takes.

[wzwoman]

My husband lost his job last October. I had been a stay at home mom for nice years and his job loss required me to return to work. Not something I wanted to do. I have a five year old.
I am trying to keep the faith that he will find a job. I won't quit mine when he does as he doesn't have a good work history and I am now in a stable situtation with health care, sick leave, retirement ect. I have to keep my spirits up to help him keep his up.

[MaeJean]

It is a very challenging time now and has been for many years.My husband is going to school and working full time.That leaves very little time for family.My faith was very strong at one time.For reasons I can't understand I have become bitter and keep wondering why this is is happening.The schooling has been going on for 6 years.Also there
were some family differences earlier.I need to stop focusing on what I can't have even though it hurts and focus on the positive,however those negative thoughts keep creeping in.Any suggestions?

[Heidi]

I'm new to this forum. What made me think about posting was the question about faith. I was laid off in March of this year. I decided this was a blessing, as I was burnt out from doing mental health counseling and saw this as an opportunity to do something different. I have enjoyed being able to volunteer in the community and being home with my two children, ages 4 & 8, but now I'm nearing the end of my unemployment benefits and am seriously looking for a job.

I find myself losing faith that I'll be able to find a job that 1) allows me to work around my daughter's school schedule; 2) makes decent money and 3) is enjoyable and challenging. I question whether those are appropriate things to focus on or if I should just be grateful for anything I can get, especially because of the poor economy and living in a rural setting.

Being laid off has also been a blow to my self-esteem: even though I cognitively realize that being laid off had nothing to do with me personally or my abilities, it still laid me low as far as believing that I'm quite capable. This time being laid off has been a very mixed blessing.

When I can remember that I have choices and am focused, I do better. But does anyone else have further suggestions?

[Sue Moller]

Thanks for your thoughts. Yes, turning the scenario on its face and pointing out that I should think more about the children's needs and less about 'poor me' seems very pertinent. I am working on it. That you for that clear insight.
Sue

[wzwoman]

Great idea rosebud. I always seem to forget in the down times that I have accomplished much in the past and will do so in the future. Are you going to start at this moment or is the scrapbook going to be retroactive to another time?

Do you use pictures? Words? Journaling? Tell us a little bit more.

[tamakay]

I'm not sure how to answer this challenge. But here goes my best guess.

I have faith in the universal truth that nothing lasts. Every moment is unique and precious. Sadness and depression...will pass in time. Happiness and contentment...will pass as well. And no moment can be recaptured no matter how hard you try. I put my faith in this during good times and bad.

tamakay

[anitakumar]

tamakay,
What you said about moments is true. Times change and we have to adapt ourselves to it. It is two sides of the same coin. Things have changed so much in my relationship that adjusting with it is so difficult. I think the mind makes up happiness and depression. The mind created the chaos and the rest is the present moment which is passing.
I have recently found that we are incompatible. I have to break it but when I do it feels wrong and love pulls me back into it again. This is not a good time for me right now. I feel like I am spying on my lover and waiting to upset him. No one is wrong in this, just incompatible. I must accept this as it is and be still(content) and not expect anything otherwise I will be dissapointed.

I must brave this and become stronger by having the faith in me. I havent done anything wrong and the changes have brought in incompatibilities. So what. I will carry on with the things I am doing things to get another job and by learning and spending time with myself and I am on the right track. I must stay with it and adapt to the change as it comes and stay with my goal all the time. This is where I will remain strong and unaffected with what comes.

[Sue Moller]

I think the issue of managing to hold down a 'respectable' (ie challenging and rewarding) job whilst maintaining a family routine and being there for our children when they come out of school is virtually impossible. At this time in my life (my children are 5 and 8), it is me who is attached by apron strings to my children. I don't want to over compromise them.
And life gets so complicated when you have to ask friends to collect/deliver children. The alternative is you pay someone, and then the children really do begin to lose out.
To add to this, my husband is often away (went away at 3.30 am this morning and is in Strasbourg all week) and I struggle to see how I can take on heavy commitments when he is overstretched.

So how do you pay the bills?!

Having said all that, I have talked to my teaching practice teacher and she has given me a very reassuring talk and I feel in a better place to teach her class on Friday. Although I would gladly run away, she is making it all so comfortable for me that I have to go ahead. She clearly is a good teacher!

[Heidi]

I think you're right -- it is difficult to attend to one's children AND have a challenging career. I guess it comes down to priorities and making compromises. I know I don't have an answer that completely fits everything I'd like to have at this point.

BTW -- good for you for talking to your instructor about teaching her class! What a wonderful first step in feeling more at ease.

[TamiS]

Working hard at a new job that doesn't pay enough to cover my bills. Divorced mom with no extras for the kids. I'm scared and worried and constantly looking for ways to increase the income. I'm perpetually exhausted. I'm also dating a man who I know isn't right for me and my family, but I'm afraid to leave because his touch and kind words help during this trying time. I"m also sure he adds to the stress and worry. It's hard finding and keeping faith. I know I have a lesson to learn, just want to learn it and move forward. I want a life with less worry, and more energy, abundance and happiness. Please God, lead me to a way to find it!

[AustinJennifer]

I kept hitting stone walls the last couple weeks. A friend and mentor told me to "stay the course" and continue doing what I've been doing. Sometimes despite the right efforts things go wrong. During these times we need to keep doing the right things, the things that HAVE WORKED in the past and will surely work again in the future.

Keep doing the right things and know that this too shall pass.

[rosebud2004]

As a result of this thread, I was going to buy a scrapebook to keep track of my accomplishments, but I decided to do something else.

I spend Sunday evening going through boxes of stuff.
I found cerificates of achievement, awards, thank you notes, my college degree, my workshop announcement and evaluations, and some articles I've written for newsletters. I never really thought that I did or accomplished much and was pleasantly surprised by it all. I decided to post everything up on the wall behind my computer. I've dubbed it my wall of achievement.

Now, when I start to feel that my goals are unattainable, I will look up at a wall and believe that I can achieve them.

Thanks wzwoman for the reminder to post.

Tam

[Irinja]

It´s so funny, that this weeks subject is faith. It´s really a thing I need to add to my life - much more of it.

I often loose faith especially when it comes do my own person and abilities. Something happens and suddenly I feel things are too hard or even impossible. This is my challenge these days as well. I feel like I´ve spent too many years not getting an education, a good job and other "important" things.

Until now I haven´t really thought about, what I do to keep the faith. But one thing I can suddenly see I do is this: I work with it. I work with the subject, try to figure out what is happening and so on.

Like this education thing. One thing I just realized is, that I can only compare things with my own growing - not what everyone else is doing. I´ve had a bit more struggles in life than some of my other more distant relations. Maybe that is why I sometimes need more time to get to the same place.

Sometimes I think my loosing faith is a signal to me. A signal telling me, that I
need to work with this or that. Writing this I realize, that maybe an other kind of signal would be even better and much nicer. Maybe just a kind voice showing me, that I´m ready for more. That I don´t have to go into all this fear and "not good enough"-stuff. I can just move on with love perhaps.

I´m not sure this really makes sense to anyone else. It´s just that I feel my loosing faith and keeping faith, has some kind of structure, I seem to begin to understand. I´m so glad it was the subject of the week. When I get it crystal clear, I suppose it will be much eaiser to explain. And there will a lot of other things I do and so on.

I´m so glad to be connected to this site. Thank you to all!

Irinja

And bye the way keeping my faith in love has given me the most wonderful relationship. Faith in that has given me a million of wonderful things...

[anitakumar]

I had another look at faith. I do have faith in my decisions. Although, my parents think I am in the wrong place I am not. Because, if I didnt move about I would be without a job today.

I have down times and lose the faith.

I should have an achievement momento that I can look at. This is a good idea. The only thing I look at as an achievemnt is a small flat that I bought and it is not what I want now but it was a good step I took. It enabled me to achieve what I have today. My family are all after it and oh no, it's my little treasure. I have been through times when I felt totally unaccepted by my family and had no real support from them in what I did. I cried nite and day to relieve my pain of rejection and yet improved my downsides to be better. My downside is now my best side. It made me go further than further could get and today I am still stable in my health.
I coud do with a bit more selfish thinking sometimes and not be weak. I do not need acceptability. I accept me. I have learnt to open my mind and have let go of that fear I carried. If I say this then this..... I feared saying things in my family. I do not fear but stand up now but with compassion.

I think sometimes fear can make us lose our faith. The "Stand up for your life" is helping me a lot.

I must thank you all for reading my message.

[Gertrude]

Hi,

This is my first time posting and I love reading what everyone has to say about Faith and thier personal stories.

I like to think I have a lot of faith, but I know I doubt a lot and don't always trust that "all is well."

I read a lot of inspiring stories about Saints and other really committed people and I am awed at the amount of faith they have. I also see that it is not necessarily blind faith. They have consistent disciplines to stay in relationship with God. They also work really hard. Maybe it is the difference between wishing and having Faith.

Right now I am part of a work team that is launching a new venture. We are working really hard and at the same time turning it over to God. Sometimes I feel really anxious and other times I have that peaceful feeling that all is well and I am in God's hands.

I feel like I am rambling a bit here, but wanted to get started.
I don't know if this is OK, but I also wanted to ask if there is anyone out there who is or knows people who would say they watch too much TV. One of our projects is putting together a documentary with the BBC on the invention of TV and we are looking for people who would be willing to be a part of it. If this is true for you please send a seperate email to gertrude@attbi.com.

Thanks,
Gertrude

[Sue Moller]

Further to my two previous emails to 'the thread', I wanted to tell you all that, as a result of Cheryl's useful interpretation (see above), and my teaching practice teacher's expressed good faith in me, I managed to blank out 8o% of my fear and trepidation about doing a day's teaching practice on Friday.
Now, I have been a teacher before (17+ years ago) and so it really wasn't that big a deal, but I think this was my way of deflecting the issue of a watershed day looming. Basically, the adrenalin kicked in and my old tape which says, 'I am really not suited to this' kicked in and tried to make it alright for me to run away.
I took the class, the class teacher had useful and relevant criticisms, but was also thoroughly supportive and postivie about my 'performance'. It wasn't perfect, but I absorbed her comments through the day and acted on them. The children were engaged all day, and enthused. I discovered that being a 'good teacher' is not some pedestal thing, it is just about getting on with it, and not wasting time on self-criticism, that is time lost for productivity.
So I have got over another hurdle, and big personal one and, at 46 I am wondering, how many more hurdles are there going to be before I can just get on with life, and stop being so navel-gazing?
Maybe I just have to put myself in for teaching jobs in September and wait for the growing.... How ironic to teach in the search of insight and grouwing up!

[Heidi]

Sounds like a job well-done!

Perhaps you navel-gaze to prepare yourself for a worse-case scenario which rarely happens. Sure it's a waste of time sometimes, but as long as it doesn't stop you from doing what you want perhaps right now it's your way of gathering breath and courage. At any rate, it serves some kind of purpose for you now and as you get on with your life, maybe it will outlive it's use.

[seajaycorley]

I was just re-reading Week 27 because I have some major challenges in my life. I had a secure job and moved to take a job
in another state. I gambled and I lost because the new job ended and I was heartbroken.
Since I was able to purchase a new home, and I have money saved, I have decided to write - my long felt heart's desire. And, within ten days, after much struggling to begin - I have now written nearly 60 pages.
When I first began writing, I knew that I had to have something to ensure that I would continue writing this novel till the end. So I made a plan. With my outline and a work schedule, I decided that I could really succeed. Yet, to ensure my success I sent out queries to agents and publishers whom I thought would be receptive to my work because just the thought of having them reply and/or ask for my work ... I wanted to be ready.
Well, today I got my first rejection. And, probably there is a long line of rejections slips to come ... but I do need an income.
And, I do need to succeed at this novel because it has been something that I always had excuses NOT to write.
In the past, when I set my mind to something - I was successful. But this seems different because if income doesn't appear soon, I have a lot to lose ... namely the money I've invested in this new home.
So, more than ever - I do need to keep the faith ... but gosh, I'm scared. Seeing a dwindling bank account does have one feel a true sense of fear.

[Sue Moller]

Dear Seajay
Well done for taking such a long-term move, or perhaps not running away when the going got a bit gritty. There is a long haul of rejections ahead of you, and many editors will miss the gem that you are creating.
Be tough with yourself and your writing, and keep your vision always in sight and make sure your writing has integrity: then you will believe in your work and that will shine through both you and your work.
What about getting some lodgers to cover the costs of running the house? You might get a few bad ones, but many others can enrich your home, in every sense!
Good luck and let us know how it's going in a month's time.
Best wishes
Sue

[RAYOFLIGHT4DI]

TAMAKAY,
I see that your words make sense to me and my days of ups and downs because of things that happen or don't happen to me.
I keep on in my struggle for FAITH.
I have FAITH that the things I've gone through are lessons and
that there will continue to be more...some bad, some good and some better...yet they are all lessons to learn from depending on how I look at them and what I do day to day to feel good about seeing it through until the next day and not let anything take my FAITH away. I have my goals, my dreams one side and m obstacles, problems on the other side and I need FAITH to BALANCE and help me day to day.
TO ALL OF YOU...LETS HOLD ON TIGHT TO FAITH

[seajaycorley]

Dear Sue,
The thought of a roommate has definitely crossed my mind. (Note: I live in a college town. So I'm going to wait a week more and then given it a shot. I'll let you know what happens.)
Yes, I will keep writing and believing that things will happen when they are suppose to happen. Yet, at times, it sure is scarey! Without a regular salary, I'm surprised at how scared I can be when an unexpected bill or a bill larged than expected just happens to appear in my snail mailbox.
Right now, I'm thankful that I was thrifty in the past and have savings to fall back upon, but how do others do it?
Again, thank you for your reply.

[LALadyGolfer]

I have been working on a number of my bigger goals this year... and every time I try something it just doesn't work out. I am feeling particulary down and frustrated today - and I went back and read week #27. I decided to try writing here to see if it helps.

I have been trying to buy a home - but just can't find where I want to live. I have plenty of money to do it - and even put some full price offers in on homes - but didn't get them. I am not sad that I didn't get the houses - because they didn't feel right. I am just frustrated that I really want a home and I can't find a way for that dream to come true. Mainly - I have no idea where I want to live.

I have also found out that my job will probably be eliminated in the next 12-18 months. So - maybe it's just as well that I didn't buy a home because my job was the main thing keeping me in this city.

I then decided to focus more on having the romantic relationship that I wanted in my life. I took a courageous step and put myself on a couple of internet sites. I've gone on quite a few dates - but nothing is working out.

I feel pretty stuck. And all the disappointments of putting my energy into doing things and failing has finally just drained me. I am very skeptical about trying something new because I am so afraid of failing. I know that there is a Divine Plan for me... but right now it's pretty challenging to wait for it to unfold.

I am struggling to keep the faith.

[seajaycorley]

Dear LALadyGolfer,
It seems that now, several weeks since my last post, I - like you -
am feeling very disheartened. I was trying to believe that things would get better and I had been trying to improve my situation ... but it is very difficult. Like you, right now, I am so disillusioned with life. And, I - who just purchased a home - am terrified that I will lose it ... because I am not able to get a full time job. (Note: I've been told that I'm over qualified ... or my experience is not recent enough to be worth giving me a job.) So, life goes on.

I do hope that things improve for you ... and for me. I'm not too sure how long I can truly continue ... having failure slap me in the face. The economy isn't what it use to be ... and jobs are scarce.

I wish us both luck .. and hope that there is some ray of hope ...
because as each day passes ... I get up ... I believe - hey this is a new day - only to end the day in such a more depressed state.

Maybe tomorrow? :)

[LALadyGolfer]

Dear Seajaycorely -

Thanks for sharing. I appreciate hearing your struggles.

Since I last wrote, I have been working on improving my attitude. Keeping the Faith. I have been listening to a CD on how to maximize one's performance... based on what star atheletes do. Anyway - what struck me is it said that our muscles are made stronger by first being pushed to the limit. They experience microscopic tears from the stress of going beyond their capacity. After that - there must be a period of rest and recovery in which they are built up stronger and are ready for the next task - which is usually greater than the last.

I think that God is allowed these tests to my Faith to make me strongers. Now - I just need to sit, be and wait - in which I can replenish my energy to try again. And - these tests are building me up for the next task... which hopefully will be greater than the last.

Hang in there... life can change in a moment!

Take care -

LALadyGolfer

[seajaycorley]

Dear LaLadyGolfer,

I do hope that I have the strength to sit, be and wait ... I have
had more doors close in my face and many discouragements
that I am wondering "how" I am getting up each day ... and trying
again. Yet, I am.

What scares me the most is ... when the money runs out ...
and there is not job ... and the house is pulled out from under me ... where am I going to be.

Right now, trusting anyone is difficult. I've been lied to ... used
... and deceived more in this past year ... maybe I just need to
learn to be more guarded and less outgoing ...

I do wish you luck.

[LALadyGolfer]

Dear Seajaycorley -

I am glad that you are "getting up every day" despite the dark clouds. I was always struck by something the Tom Hanks character said in SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE... he said that every day he gets up and just puts one foot in front of the other. I think that all of us have times in our life when we feel that way.

Keep the faith. I know sometimes it's hard to trust people. But - the one person who you can trust is God - though it doesn't always feel that way. I just keep reminding myself when I things that I want don't come together - that God has something better for me and He saved me from something not so great. One of my favorite quotes is: "God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame."

The challenge is to have faith during the waiting. The dark times. They say it's always darkest before the dawn.

What I am doing during this waiting time is to focus on the things that do bring me joy in life. I love to swim. So - even though I was up at 3am this morning - and tossed and turned the rest of the morning. ... I still got in the pool at 6:20 this morning and swam 76 laps. It felt good to do something for myself. And I am thankful for having the chance to swim. Things may change for me and I would have to give that up.

I hope you can find the joy during the waiting.

Take care -

LALadyGolfer

[seajaycorley]

Dear LALadyGolfer:

Yes, let's keep exercising - you can swim and I can walk and ride my bicycle - and let's believe that "God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame."

Sending hugs,