Where to begin?

[angy26_b]

I have come to the conclusion, that I have no idea who I am as an individual? Has anyone out there experienced that? I know I am a mother, a wife, a business woman, but when it comes to who I am and what I really want, I haven't a clue. I am currently working in my husbands business. In fact, that is pretty much the only employment I have experienced. I've realized that I am living his dream. (Know what I mean?) Ever since I've known him, he wanted his own business, and I've went along with it, making his goals mine. Lately, I've noticed this ever-growing urge to do what I want, to follow my dreams. My problem? Determining exactly what my goals or dreams are. I can't remember any more or, maybe, I'm too scared to admit what they are and go after them. Regardless, I need advice from those who have "been there...done that". Thanks.

[Irinja]

Hi Angy

Don´t despair. Sometimes I´m wondering if this reaction comes, when you have actually have build something up. Then the glove doesn´t fit completely, and what do you do?

You have a job, your children, a husband you stood beside and probaly much more. The last piece missing might be "your whole self".

On the surface I don´t seem to have build up much myself, but one thing that has brought me closer to who I am is Barbera Sher with book "Wishcraft". It has a lot of questions such as: what you loved to do a child. What kind of things that brings you joy and so on. Also what kind of life have you created and what your personal style is like. Maybe it would be a nice guide in discovering who you also are.

I can´t help writing something like: Don´t blame yourself for not having looked for answers before. Maybe in what you have created already, there is a stepping-stone, to help you go even further.

About fear... Maybe just look around for a while, figure out, what is dear to you. Action might come a little later and then the new things may have become a little more familiar.

I hope this is of some help, if not keep on searching, there is a lot of books, people and much more around to give inspiration and support.

Lots of love

Irinja

[angy26_b]

Hi Irinja,

Thanks for your kind words. You know I am just amazed how I let myself get in so deep in a field I do not like, just to accomodate my husbands dreams. I went to school and completed studies for a bachelors degree in business management. I would never say that I won't use that information, I'm just saying I didn't go to school and work hard getting that diploma for me. I would have chosen a completely different field. I am completely miserable most days with the work I am doing now. I know it is affecting my relationship with my husband because I just don't have the desire he does when it comes to his business. My heart just isn't in it. He knows I am wanting to do something different, but when your business is a two-person operation (both working for the same income) it's hard to imagine hiring an employee to replace me. Do you know what I mean? So I feel unhappy and stuck. How do I do something for me that may or may not bring in enough income to cover expenses I would be causing my husband if he were to hire help? A true mystery.

Thanks for your advice, Angy