A few suggestions

[Irinja]

Hi Angy

I had a little time before I go on a week-end holiday. That´s why I thought I´d just send you a few ideas on how to move on. You can see if it fits you or not. What I´m thinking is this: I don´t think you need to have it all figured out before you go searching. Maybe a really great place to start is to free up a little time for yourself, to go searching within. Maybe it´s not possible to change everything over night, but step by step some things might work out.

And an other thing I think is really "energetic" is passion. If you know where you would love to go it´s easier to change the situation. It´s eaiser to go with love that it is with regret, if you know what I mean. When you find little things you´d love to work with maybe small possibilities can be created. An afternoon off, some kind of help from the outside and so on.

Bye the way you don´t have to declare to your husband that now you will do something completely different and so on. Take things inch by inch. The more love and trust you can find in your process, the easier things get.

Once again I almost feel like a salesperson, but Barbera Sher has in her Wishcraft all kinds of way to do brinstormings and finding creative solutions to
different kind of problems. I don´t know your "whole story", so I don´t know if you need so search for solutions now or need to figure out what you really want to do. But there are ways to deal with both things anyway.

One last thing - the thing about trust - sometimes miracles occur, sometimes it takes a little more hard work than expected. No matter what I think you can do it, if you dare to trust and dare to stay commited over a periode of time.

Here on this site, I´m sure you also can get the support you might need to change things.

Lots of love and a good week-end to you

Irinja

[angy26_b]

Irinja,
Once again thanks for your reply. I sense by your advice that you may have been in a similar position.
My husband doesn't understand what it means to be a woman and mother. One of our biggest arguments revolve around his inability to give me my "personal time". The time when I can do something for me. What irritates me more than anything is his mind set. He will make plans, go places, ect. and won't even worry about who will be watching the kids while he does those things. It's mommy. However, on that rare occassion when I do plan something for myself, he acts as if I go somewhere every night of the week. I have realized this is coming from an over-protective nature that borders on jealousy. So, the three or four times I do something on my own during the year, I have a hard time enjoying myself. I am worring about what kind of conflict, if any, I will have to endure when I get back home. He is getting much better, because I finally told him things were going to change. I demanded some respect for me as an individual or else we were through. (That sounds bad doesn't it?) I still find it hard to make plans, but only because I lack the confidence to get out there and do things. That's one of the reasons I joined this program.
As for what I want to do, I have that narrowed down. I enjoy photography (I actually took a class in college). As long as I can remember I loved taking pictures. As a child, I would wait impatiently for days for the film to come back from the developer. Then when I took the black and white photography class in college, I realized I could develop my own pictures. That was exciting.
I just pushed that passion to the side and continued on with my business degree. I realize if I do get into photography, that business degree will help, so all is not lost. My goal is to become a photographer and have my own business (Our town currently does not have one, other than the four times per year Wal-Mart has a photographer come in-store). I think this is a need I can fill, but I am scared to take even the first step in that direction. Do you have any advice for me on that level?
Angy

[Irinja]

Hi Angy

It´s been a while since I read your post, I felt like saying so much, that I didn´t know how to put it. Now I´ve just decided to write what first comes into my mind and I hope "we can take it from there".

Reading you post I thought: Don´t panic, don´t worry. You are going in the right direction. I also thought that maybe we sometimes get so used to fighting so much for what we want, that we sometimes miss out when things can come a little more gentle. Maybe you could start start doing little things honering yourself, maybe even without having to "fight" too much for it. Just do it a little step by step.

How do you feel when you think about photography? Allow yourself to get used to the thought. If you feel like acting on it, what could be a minor step to do something interesting that way around. You don´t have to be a pro tomorrow you know.

I´ve been thinking about what you wrote about respect and time in your marrige. I think if you begin with your love for something and taking little steps, then maybe some kind of inner trust will grow, that will make things easier for you.

Bye the way it doesn´t matter as much what we did in the past or how things look right now. As long as you begin to make good decisions and slowly act little by little, that is what really makes a difference.

Oh.. I could write so much more, but I hope this will make a difference for you anyway.

Lots of love

Irinja