Welcome and Introductions

[Nancy B]

Welcome!

Whether you're starting a group, joining a group, or maintaining a group, this is the place to share ideas and challenges.

Post your own thread or reply to a thread already posted from your experience. The best way for us to learn is from each other.

Four years ago I started the first Life Makeover Group. Its still in existence today and going strong. We're an open discussion group that meets at the local Barnes & Noble. Since that time I've started and been involved in several other groups and had some great experiences.

I find the groups empowering, there's nothing like knowing you have support as you step out and try new things. It gives you courage and confidence you didn't have without it. Knowing that you're accountable to the group brings a higher level of responsibility in following through. Working together towards living our best lives is powerful.

Looking forward to meeting you through these boards and our telegatherings and hearing your challenges as well as successes.
Sharing strengthens us all!

[Gayle]

I regularly receive inquiries from women looking to join a group in our area and I response immediately telling them a little about our group of 4 that meets in each others homes. I tell them if they are interested in our group we can meet for coffee to get acquainted and see if our group is a good fit for them. Then I seldom get a reply. Any thoughts? Our group is 2 years old and working well having lost just one woman who moved away.

[Nancy B]

Gayle,

Sounds like your group is doing well.

Glad to hear you respond right away, it makes a difference.

Is it possible to have a phone conversation with the prospective member and then invite them to see the group in action?

The simpler we make it for people the better chance of response.

[Gayle]

Originally posted by Nancy B
Gayle,

Sounds like your group is doing well.

Glad to hear you respond right away, it makes a difference.

Is it possible to have a phone conversation with the prospective member and then invite them to see the group in action?

The simpler we make it for people the better chance of response.

Nancy,

Thanks for your prospective.
I do tell them they can write or call me and give my phone number. I thought it would be less intimidating to meet just one person in a coffee shop than to show up at someone's home for a group meeting since that's where we hold our meetings.

Gayle

[Nancy B]

Gayle,

You're probably right. It just may be different for different people.
A possibility may be to ask them when you first connect which they would prefer.

AND you may be doing everything right and it just isn't the right time for some people. Too bad. You obviously have a good group if its stayed together two years!

[jkarrass]

I'm not sure what to do with the inquiries that I get about our group in terms of how much does the group change our meeting time and/or place to accomodate new members. There are two of us (from an original group of 5) in the group, and we meet monthly during the afternoon. A third person attended the last meeting, and it seems as though that time and place works for her. However, I know some people can't meet during the work day and for others, it's too far to drive. While I'm willing to change the time and/or place for someone who's truly commited, it takes a while to figure out whether they will really stick with it. And I don't want the rest of us to change what is working to accomodate someone who will most likely leave the group anyway. Any suggestions? Also, I'm not sure how much time and energy I want to invest in meeting with potential new members or talking with them one-on-one outside of group meetings. I'd like to add members, but it's not a priority for me. Any thoughts or suggestions?

[Gayle]

Nancy,

I think I may have figured out why prospective new members do not reply to my introduction and invitation. Our group of 4 meets in rotating homes. Maybe a prospective member is not comfortable about using her home for a meeting. So the next time I won't mention this in my initial e-mail because after we meet if this appears to be a problem for her we don't have to meet in her home.

Gayle

[sagithree]

Hi Nancy! :)

I've been involved with 2 groups and neither has worked out. I keep encountering women who don't really desire change or seem to have the time to commit to being a part of a group.

I'd love to be with an online group where members are serious about making over their lives. Not just complaining all the time but DOING something. I'd like a "working" relationship where we meet regularly, set goals, brainstorm ideas, offer praise & encouragement...

I prefer an online group at this time since I'm intending to move out of state. Then no matter where I go, I still have support & in turn, I can support my cyber-sisters.

When you invest time getting to know others & sharing yourself, but then they suddenly drop out, you feel like you're back at square one, starting all over again. I don't want to keep starting over. I want to progress. Is there another way to look at this? Any suggestions?

Sagithree

[Nancy B]

jkarrass,

You mentioned that adding members is not a priority to you. You sound satisfied with the time and place you meet. You're concerned about changing in order to accommodate the people who make inquiries.

If you and the people you regularly meet with are happy with the arrangements there's no reason to change. Let others know when you meet and either it will work for them or not. I've found when groups constantly change time and place to accommodate potential members usually nobody ends up happy. Encourage others to start their own groups, enjoy what you've created.

No need to meet potential new members one-on-one. Talk to them by phone, invite them to a meeting, let them know you'll be looking for them, and make them feel welcomed. They'll feel they already know one person and be more comfortable. You've got the right idea, success is in KEEPING IT SIMPLE! ENJOY!


Gayle,

That makes a lot of sense. Let us know what the outcome is!


Sagithree,

It is frustrating to get started and have the group fall apart, and it does happen.

First thing I always do when the same thing seems to happen over and over is look in the mirror. Am I doing something that invites this response? Could people see in me what I see in them? Do I give what I most want to get? If I see anything here I clean it up first, otherwise I set myself up to have the same things happen over and over.

Second is taking action. Have you looked into the ones on these boards? Have you considered starting your own group?

If you start your own group put just the guidelines you mentioned here as the intent of the group. Let people know you are looking for likeminded people, and then nourish those who show up.

Third, never give up. If one group doesn't work find another, find a buddy, find a friend. The bond, the encouragement, the support is worth it.

[sagithree]

Hi Nancy!

Thanks for asking the questions that need to be asked & answered & for your support. :) You have reassured me that I am doing the right thing. :) Whew! LOL

You're right about about my needing to look at myself. I did. I believe part of my disappointment is in my expectations of what I would like a group to be. And, that I need to be more clear in asking for what I want. Though I've been optimistic, offering advice, suggestions, trying to empower others (all things I myself need), I have not received what I give in return. I find myself being a "leader" of sorts; caring for others but then I don't get what I need. I feel them pulling me "down". I know they're unhappy with their lives & are hurting. They have to make that choice for themselves to move forward.

I've spent yrs being in unhealthy relationships where many times I play "rescuer" to "victims". Now that I recognize this behavior in me, I am learning to stand up and say no. It's getting easier.

I myself live in a negative environment and am creating ways to put myself in a position of strength. I find pleasant surroundings to work in and try to find positive people. You are soooo right about the power of having other people in one's corner! It DOES make a difference!

And I am pleased to say I came to these boards because I felt I might find women more willing to "do the self work" I wish to do myself.

I have also contacted a couple ladies here who are forming a group. I'm thinking perhaps these groups have been an exercise for me to build courage, learn how to ask for help and improve upon my standing up for myself & what I want.

So, yes, I'm taking action and I'm not giving up.
Thank you for sharing your words of wisdom!

Sagithree
(Maria)

[Linda M.]

SAGITHREE -- Take a look at the TORCS sections under the ALUMNI BOARD if you want to take action via e-mail; also the action sections! We are spread all over the country but setting goals twice a month! Our "head of household" this month has sent out an invitation for anyone to join us. We got our name from the javelina that roam around Miraval in Arizona. (We attended Cheryl's retreat in June.) Javelina is a pig-like thing and TORC is the Gaelic name for Boar -- Warrior Spirit, Leadership, Direction. Take a peek and see what you think! Linda M

[sagithree]

Thanks for the head's up on this "TORCS" group, Linda!

I will check it out! I'm in contact with a group that decided to go to Yahoo groups, but they haven't ironed all the details out and now are talking about Instant Messaging which may not work out for me because of the times they'd meet.

I'm still trying to find a place for me regarding a support group. I appreciate your idea.

Thank you!!! :)

[Vander]

Hi, Everyone!!

I am a former Mental Health Clinician and began doing something very much like these groups 20+ years ago!!! Then, I moved to a new state and it went by the wayside. Now, I am all fired up about starting a LMG in my community! I have committed to doing so, but am having a bit of trouble. I know that they are much needed and would take off once started, but people seem skeptical. I have been looking for some community places to hold the groups, but when I take the information to the decision-makers, they talk to me as if I were from another planet and asking to expose people to nerve gas! Seriously, how do I get past this? I show them pages from Oprah's and Cheryl's web sites, but they don't seem to know who they are! I am a well-dressed, professional-looking middle-aged woman; what could I be doing wrong, and how can I try to get past their skepticism?

[Linda M.]

I rented a conference room at a Holiday Inn for $150. I invited about 35 people that I knew. 29 of them showed up! I don't know how long you have lived in your town, but ads in the little home town papers seem to do better than the largers newspapers. I also posted to the LMG site and have had two people contact me and have started a second LMG. This group is going to meet at Barnes & Noble Book Sellers at the cafe. The one lady is bringing her sister, a man who called me about something else may show up -- we may go from a group of 2 to 5 in just one week! Maybe you don't have to sell yourself so hard! Good luck

[Nancy B]

Vander,

A couple questions:
Have you listed your group on the community page of Cheryl's website? All free groups are welcomed to post.

Is the group free or will there be a fee? Community locations usually decline having for fee groups. If the group is free the community location usually wants to know how it serves their mission.

Is there a possibility it could be in private homes?

I know groups that meet in Starbucks, at the food court at the mall on Saturday mornings, in a corner of the library, a restaurant.
Would any of these work?

Getting several interested people together and letting them brainstorm a place to meet is a great way to start a group working together. People are incredibly creative, and when working towards something they want find amazing ways to get it.

Love to hear from more people about creative solutions they've found!