Difficulty adapting to a move

[ChrisCape]

I need a nudge in the right direction. I moved to a very small town about 3 years ago. I am having a terrible time adapting. This is a permanent change so I really have to make this work. I have 2 small children, I work 4 days a week, am married to a great guy. One of the best benefits of moving was that I could de-clutter my life.

My problem, I can't seem to really connect with anyone to develop a support network. I have co-workers. I have some relatives with women my own age and stage in life. It seems that everyone I try to connect with is too caught up in their own life. I extend invitations for dinner, time out, play dates with the kids, etc. No one seems to take the bait. They are too busy. Usually they don't even return my phone calls. When I see them weeks later they seem genuinely sorry that they blew me off. I think they are just busy!!!!

I don't want to just fill my time with things to do. I can think of plenty of pass times. I want to find someone who will 1. Return my calls! LOL 2.Encourage me to grow as a person 3.Hang out and have fun!

I am starting to get resentful that these other people have a life and depressed that I can't meet someone who shares common interests and goals.

I suspect that I need to learn to be more content with myself and my situation and stop looking for someone (outside myself) to create contentment. When I look at other people's problems I think I am being petty. But this problem pervades my thoughts night and day. The weekends are especially bad. The only thing the keeps me from a major depressive epsiode it that I intellectually know that is a silly response to my current situation. I really think if I turned my brain off I could go over the deep end. I just keep talking myself into sanity! :)

Seriously, I would appreciate a good kick in the pants. Any suggestions?? Thanks for your input

[Linda M.]

Chris -- I had to learn that I wasn't be clear enough in what I was asking for! 1) Who are you asking? 2) What are you asking? 3) What do you expect to happen?
Answer: 1) Ask again, but this time give them a definite date and time -- i.e. I'm having a get-together at 7:30PM on Wed at PC Grill and I need a definite yes or no by 9AM on Monday because I need to reserve a table. Please call me back by then with a yes or no answer. Thanks! Can't wait to see you! My number is blah blah blah!!!
Answer 2) Do you have the goal in mind -- meet me at PC Grill on Wednesday 7:30PM or are you expecting it "not to happen"!!!
Answer 3) Put out to the Universe what you expect to get back!
Build it and they will come! Good luck! Been there done that and I learned the hard way too! Linda M.

[KarenR]

Chris,

I had the same problem. I LOVE where I live but do not know anyone in the area. I recently have discovered that there are TONS of women's groups out there for exactly that purpose. Try the Chamber of Commerce, look on your town's main web-site. It should list any groups or committies. Some towns have a new resident's group designed just for meeting new people. They are out there if you look. If you really can't find anthing, how about starting one of your own? Maybe other women have the same problem

Joining the chamber of commerce did wonders for me. I also volunteered for a Trail clearing job. My husband and I love the outdoors so what better than to help clear hiking trails while meeting people who like the same thing?

[ChrisCape]

Karen and Linda,

Thanks for taking time to respond to my post. Linda, I see your point but I don't think that poor communication is my problem. Thanks for your input anyhow. Karen, I will check out the Chamber of Commerce thing. We do have chamber maybe I could find a group that matches my interests. I know that I have to put myself in a position to meet others to make friends. I am seriously considering starting a "mothers of preschoolers type group" I don't want to do anything that is going to divide my time with my kids more. I got one of Cheryl's books at the library today. Maybe I can gleen some personal insight in there. I appreciate your imput!
Chris