Week 29 -Forget about it

[griflitz]

I was a person who often said yes to commitments, etc. before I had a chance to think it through/see what I felt inside and saying no was hard for me. I have learned to say "let me think about it" or "let me check my schedule". This buys me time to check inside myself and see if what I have been asked to do is something I really want to commit to. I have also learned to ask myself 2 questions. 1) "do I want to do ______?" If the answer to that is "yes", then I ask myself 2) "Do I have the physical and emotion resources to do _____ at this time?" If the answer to the second question is "No", then the answer I give is no. Even though I might really want to do something, I have learned that if I don't listen to myself I always wind up paying for it. It has been a slow process and I still trip myself up at times and I find that if I honor the answer 'inside', I am much happier and healthier.

[rosebud2004]

I also said yes to commitments. I was always trying to be helpful. Then, one day someone asked, "Why are you in this organization?" I couldn't think on a reason beyond the fact that it was expected. Now, I have moved on, but I still get calls asking for commitments. If its' not on my absolute yes list, then I graciously turn them down. I sometimes feel a twinge of guilt, but it passes rather quickly.


Tam

[BethZ]

Letting go automatically has not been easy for me. For myself, for many years, "to be was to do". it was all about performing for others to get acceptance, to be valided, to justify my existance. I still do this sometimes, but I know the difference today.

It's also difficult because I am surrounded by people in my family who do not understand the concept of letting go. It's hard to walk your own path when you feel like you are walking it alone. Thank goodness there are forums like these where those who are striving for something healthier can go and be supported by like-minded poeple!

"Letting go", like many other healthy actions in my life, is not yet a habit, therefore I must make a conscious choice to say no or to let go of the situation. It will come naturally one day, like many other actions; for instance, not smoking (one year, a few odd days), or not biting my nails (fifteen years at least), or not drinking and drugging (3 and a half years). It gets easier over time.

I liked what Cheryl had to say about picking our priorities. I think the same goes with picking our battles in life, i.e. do I need to be right, or can I accept (blank) for right this moment, let it go and be happy?

One day at a time. Remember: awareness of our unhealthy behavior is, in itself, progress.

Love and support to us all!

[anitakumar]

Finally, finally I did it. I split with my boyfriend I loved so dearly and love him today. I cry to release all the negativity.

We used to split up and then come back. I am not going back. The anwer is no. I said no. Like, you, I walk this path alone once again and explore the bigger things in life. I want to feel that feeling agian where I am very small and there is more out there again. To feel that there is more to life then the relationships and alchohol. To feel the love from the heavens and nature.

I feel peaceful and ready to begin. I feel younger again. I dont feel the pressure to impress, to look good or any thing. I am free and I can fly wherever I want. I am back on the new road again

I want to learn new things and be positive. I want to give myself all the things I wanted while endured a relationship. I stayed in it for the sake of love and there was no commitment. I gave a lot to it and now I will give myself what I want and that is a commitment.

I did it and I am happy. All I want is support so I dont go back to something that was never mine.

[BethZ]

"By releasing the people you love, you become truly loving. It instantly communicates to them that they own their own souls, that you respect and honor them in the deepest sense, even if releasing them means they will no longer be a part of your life.
Taking the first step in releasing them may be terrifying for you, but the peacefulness that you gain when you release your hold on others is awesome. It makes life seem effortless. It is the beginning of knowing that the only thing you can control is your own perception of life - it is the foundation of true love." - Unknown author

Sounds good to me!

[cinderilla26902003@yahoo.]

dear lizbet


i may have the name wrong but your annonomus quote was right on the money. I was going to be wed and had a ring on my finger
and thought I had found a Real Genuine Man with a few flaws that all couples together have and he deceided to cheat on me before the wedding. His son and I were very close and my daughter was close and we had a very loving relationship until He deceided that he needed to run off and get with a married woman and cheat and this he did infront of my son and daughter. this was painful and downright devasting because letting go meant, No sercurity what so ever, and being all alone again without a male voice for my daughter. So losing self all self for a woman especially when the children are involved it just cuts like a knife. I am debating whether or not to write a letter to him. We need more closure due to the fact I have his tackle box and stuff in my storage spot which I want to return on good terms and write him to let him know I got a house so he can meet me at the storage spot or whatever he would like to do. We fished together and had a real normal lifestyle. I have not heard from him for two months and my son was devasted also and I did not call him because it upset his dad too much. He would get mad at him so I haven't had any contact with him other than his mom and I haven't stayed in touch with her for two months either. I thought I had a family and losing self was the hardest. Losing everything to me was the only family I had and felt so connected. But I got back up again and no one can take me down thanks to cheryl richardson book, Just dealing with the pain and hurt of him no longer loving me or thinking of me as his. love jeannie/cinderilla

[KayBee]

Hi Griflitz!
What good questions! Particularly because you have no. 2 as a checkQ!
Will use it and be grateful!
Many best wishes
KayBee

[sjwarren]

Dear Jeannie/Cinderella,

It sounds like you still really hurt over your ex's betrayal and that it was extra hard with the kids being involved. I’ve been through the betrayal before and it’s hard.

A couple of other options to seeing him in person would be to mail him his stuff or throw it away. That gives you an option of protecting yourself from getting hurt by him again.

As far as writing him a letter. Write a letter of what you really want to say to him. It can be used to get everything out. You can decide later if you need to mail it, another letter, or nothing at all.

Think about checking out John Gray's book call "Mars and Venus Starting Over: A Practical Guide for Finding Love after a Painful Breakup, Divorce, or Loss of a Loved One ". The book contains a letter/emotional-writing format that I find has worked really well for me. Try it and see what you think.

I’ll be thinking about you. Take care.

Susan