I can relate to these posts

[Aharkins]

Hi, I am almost 39 years old, (my B-day is coming up this month, June), and feel like I am more confused and lost now than I have ever been in my life. I also buy self-help books, and have both of Cheryl's first two. I also recently bought Debbie Ford's book "The Right Questions" and have begun that. My problem is I tend to not finish things. I start a project and either get bored with it or distracted. Then just let it go. I just started a new job in February, my third new job in about 5 years, and am feeling bored and unfulfilled with that as well. Everyday I wake up and want to go back to bed and pull the covers up over my head. I have no idea what I am doing with my life. I went to art school and am very creative, but don't do anything with that. I often feel as if God gave me a gift, but I have buried that gift and don't know how to use it. I would love to not work for a while and get myself together, but that is not an option as I need a paycheck. I am really searching for answers and help. Both Cheryl and Debbie Ford talk about listening to your soul and letting your soul lead you. But how do you "hear" your soul among all the other thoughts and FEELINGS going on??? My heart most of the time feels as if it is aching, that can't be good. I don't feel fufilled by my work much of the time, so that can't be good either. When do I feel happy??? When I am working in my little garden or cooking something nice for my husband, being on the beach or out in the ocean on my husband's boat, (as long as I am not getting sea sick), or playing with my nephew. I am also happiest when I am doing something creative like painting a room in the house or decorating/re-decorating. I have decided that I am not a 9-5'er but where does that leave me? I also don't think I have what it takes to run my own business, espeically in this economy. I would quit when the going got tough and fall back into my old fears which hold me back. HELPPPPP!!!!

[croakie]

Was reading your post and I am having one of those days myself where I can't figure out what it is I should be doing but there is something out of place in side me that says what I am doing now is not quite it....

I will be 35 in July, am married, have a WONDERFUL 9 month old son and work part time. Flex hours are great but I am running out of things to do at work and can't decide if I wan't to quit all together to be a full time SAHM, or if I want to look for another part time job (I am an assistant - personal and business). Or, if I should make the jump and be my husbands assistant (he has a secondary part time bussines at home and could really use the help getting organized - but not quite sure if working with him will work out - could be quite the strain on the marriage).

This may sound a little on the hoaky side, but I am wondering if my ambivialnce has anything to do with the seasons changing (or really, the seasons not quite making the change - the weather in the NE has been pretty bad this spring.

Question for you??? You like to cook and you are an artist. Have you ever thought of writing a cook book?

[womaninmotion]

I'm a soon to be 40 woman (yikes-the big 40 is only 20 days away!) and I can relate to all of the things you are both saying. My quest for my true "job" in life started about 3 years ago because for years I had that feeling that things weren't quite right. Like you, Aharkins I got bored easily and literally jumped from job to job, project to project-I never finished anything. I started with reading different books on personal development by Alexandra Stoddart & later Cheryl. Actually I started with the weekly newsletter and then purchased Life Makeovers but quickly realized I needed to start with Take time for your Life. I started doing the exercises in the book and life definately got better. I started to be able to actually accomplish/finish a few things. The issue of work was still looming large however. I started a new home business (this was the 5th in a 5 year period) and decided that if I was going to make my life work I needed a supportive community and so I joined a LM Group.
Things have only gotten better since then and they can for you too!!
there are two things that have changed my life and enabled me to find my dream job--My Life Makeover Group has given me unbeatable support and also a book (that my LM friends suggested) entitled "Finding Your Own North Star" by Martha Beck.
The book talks about reconnecting with your "Essential Self". It is that Essential Self that knows what you really want to do but society, culture, the way were were raised, who we work with, often puts us off track. Once you've reconnected to your Essentail Self you will be able to identify some of your innermost deepest desires and nuture your intuition.
The excercises in North Star really affected me and got me thinking. Then when I went to my LM Group one week and discussed one of the chapters in our Life Makeover Books it was like I had an Epiphany! Everything came together! I remembered a time when I was 14 and I talked with my Dad about my "dream" job. That dream was squashed by my Father and I'd forgotten all about it. Looking back I now know that it was doing the excercises in North Star that helped dredge that up. That moment at my LM Group was life changing and intuitively I knew what my job in life should be. Through Cheryl's books I had really been moving toward my North Star all along, toward the job I really was meant to do without knowing it. I've had a sense of peace these last few weeks that I've never, ever had before! I have an optimism and confidence that I've never had before. One of the biggest areas in which it has helped me is in identifying those often baseless fears or negative comments and doubts that keep popping up every time I would try to move forward.
Now I'm learning to deal with and overcome those negative messages (using affirmations) and also to fine tune my dream!
Don't give up ladies. Your dream is out there. Finding your soul or essential self is certainly possible and through Cheryl's books you have already started on the road (and like me) you may not even realize it yet. North Star may help you clearly identify where you should be going and Cheryl's book will give you the practical steps to get there!
I have absolutely NO DOUBTS that if you continue on the road to self discovery you will both find what you should be doing. I KNOW you can both do it!

Susan (woman in motion)

[Aharkins]

Thank you Susan and Croakie for you input. I often feel as if everyone else has it all together and I am the only one who is out there and is still searching. I have heard of the book, "Follow your NOrth Star" but haven't yet gotten it. Can't say too much right now about both of your posts. They have struck a cord with me and I need to process them. I do thank you so much for your input. It is invaluable. I will have to come back after some mulling over

[croakie]

Hmmm, quite the spin has been thrown on my situation....after years of infertility and 4 failed IVF procedures, my husband and I adopted our precious and wonderful son nine months ago. I just now found out I am pregnant. Whether it remains a viable preganancy, we will see. We are thrilled, scared, shocked, and gratefull.

Then today, my Boss told me that if I wanted to come back full time, he would love it for he wants to utilize my help even more.

I just asked my husband last night what he thought about me working 3 days a week instead of 2 (I had the heads up from my Boss that he would have more for me to do now). My husband doesn't want it to happen. He wants me to be with our son as much as possible.

Not complaining here, just REALLY confused!!!

I really felt as if I was close to something there and then - a 180 turn.

Is this fate? Is this Life? Some kind of sign?

Dealing with it all,

[Aharkins]

Congratulations on your pregnancy! And congratulations on both your recent adoption as well as your high popularity with your boss. I believe all this is a sign...of choices perhaps and of what it is YOU desire. Perhaps you could work one day a week from home? Would that satisfy both your boss and husband as well as yourself?? I am currently reading Debbie Ford's book, "The Right Questions" and the chapter I am on now deals with what she calls our underlying committments. What is it that you are truely committed to??? That is what I am trying to figure out. Am I committed to always feeling bad about myself? OR am I committed to really finding out what it is I am to? I feel better about myself at the moment and about where I am in my life, but that shifts day to day, moment to moment. Perhaps you need to meditate on your present situation as I have to meditate on mine, though my situation is not quite as complicated as yours is. Life is very strange. I liked your earlier suggestion about the cook book idea, though I would feel more confident as the illustrator than the recipe creator...that's my husband's arena, he's a VERY GOOD cook!!! I will be praying for you.

Allison

[croakie]

I appreciate the well wishes!!

I am currently working from home as well. I have been set up with almost a full office at home.

the thing of it is: I always wanted to be a stay at home Mom. For this reason, I never obtained a degree (I have only taken courses here and there over the years). My husband and I focused on HIS career so I could stay at home with our children. Then we dealt with the infertility, then my beautiful son came, and now, to my amazement, I am figuring out I want to work. My mother-in-law minds my son while I am in the office two days a week. I don't think she will do much more, maybe one more day and honestly, I don't feel right asking her to do more yet I absolutely dont want my son in day care.

I guess I should be grateful. I am finaly realizing I want to work and I know that a personal/business assistant is what I want to do. I think I am just going to have to put that realization (and I am grateful that I am having it) on the back burner for now, raise my child(ren) until they are in preschool and then venture back out into the work force. Sad part is, I am not positive I can hold onto my current job for that long if my Boss is going to want someone full time. It is just not going to happen. However, in one of Cheryl's books, I found a website called assistu.com which is an awsome site pertaining to exactly what I want to do. So, if I have to let go of this job down the road (which I think I will), that will make room for me to take the course at assistu and then venture out on my own. Either way, I am sure what ever is meant to be will be.

The only thing I have do deal with is the guilt I feel for wanting to work at all. After all I have gone through, I would think being at home with my son would be enough for me and all that I want. I am feeling a little selfish/bad about it.

Thanks again for the well wishes and please keep the cook book idea in your head for a while. Maybe even mull it over with your husband. What a wonderful project that could be together. I personally am always looking for cookbooks that deal with 30 minute meals or less and deals with leftovers. A combo of the two would be great.

[Aharkins]

Don't feel bad or guilty about your desire to make a contribution outside the home. BUT remember that raising a child is the most important work as well as *managing* a home/budget, etc. Don't fall into the trap I have found myself in which is identifying yourself with what you "do for a living" i.e. a job. What we really do for a living is try become true to ourselves and develop ourselves to our highest potential as a person first. Being a personal assistant, CEO of a company, mechanic, airline steward or pilot, traffic cop, etc. comes second. That is the struggle I have now...wrapping up my identity too tightly in what I do for a living. What I really hope to become is the highest version of myself and to develop my artistic gift given to me by a higher power-God or whatever you envision that higher power to be. Being a mother is, in my mind, a higher calling and very important work indeed.

[croakie]

Allison,

Thanks for that last post. It Really put things into perspective for me. You are right on the money. I can still find other things to do other than changing diapers and cleaning house right in my own home. I am going to think about this long and hard and try to come up with a plan for myself.

Thanks again and please let me know which direction you end up taking.

[Denise Anne]

Dear Croakie,

Would your current company be open to a job-share situation.
There is I am sure another mother out there who wants part time work to fit with her family as well - this would give you more time to decide your pathway without pressure - either to work or not to.
Selfishness is a word that often comes up in discussions with women who want the best for all .......... it is right to consider yourself .....unless you are happy no-one else will be - I can definitely say that looking back...... those first years with my children went so fast. (They are now 26/24/22....where did it go)
If I had of used the time to prepare for doing something else perhaps I wouldn't have resented the perpetual nappies etc but enjoyed them and my childrens development.
I have found that I need/needed to slow down and savour the planning and preparing, thinking and doing, agonising and fun.
Wish you well.
DENISE

[croakie]

I appreciate your suggestion, unfortunately, it would not work in my situation. My boss only wants to deal with one assistant.

However, after reading Cheryl's newsletter this week, I am more and more confident that if I have to step down, that I can and will make the best of it. I am riding the wave of believing in myself that I can create my own happiness and if I make a mistake, I will just make another choice. Nothing needs to be written in stone. I will find out Thursday/Friday if this Pregnancy is viable (and not eptopic or merely just fading away - which sounds weird but can happen).

Thanks again and I will keep you all posted....

[Pammie]

Hello. I'm new and this is my first post. I definately relate to the last few posts. I too am nearly 40 (37) and find my life stalling. My 7 year marriage will be ending soon and I've been a stay at home mom to two kids. The thought of working fulltime and placing my kids in daycare drives me bonkers (I homeschool) and I'm starting a homebased business to support us. Still, it will be a while before we actually leave. When I review my life, I see huge misjudgments and decisions rooted in faulty belief systems that have led me to where i am today. I know it'll take a while to correct wrong mindsets and that I am on the right path (though I occassionally get depressed, frustrated), I just don't know how to behave when it doesn't seem to be coming together as quickly as I'd like it to!! I mean, when I was doing all the wrong stuff, I got quick results. Now, things are moving in slow motion. Please forgive my rambling, having a bad day.

Pammie

[croakie]

Taking things one step at a time is key but I feel your pain regarding the frustration of how slow things can move. Sometimes progress is worth waiting for.

What kind of home based business are you starting?

[Pammie]

I'm a writer. I've had a few pieces published and I'm halfway thru my 2nd novel. Had no success finding a publisher, then had the idea to self publish. Really excited. Am researching,learning a lot. Have dreams of eventually publishing others via own small publishing firm.

I'm reading this and i realize that I have absolutely no trouble with the time it's taking me to learn/research/set up my biz, but I'm not giving the same consideration to the changes I need to see in my personal life. Hmmm....

[croakie]

Isn't it funny how some times we can feel so desparte over change, yet sometimes it doesn't even phase us....???

I find this to be true for myself WAY more than I would like to admit. I am defintely the type of person who panics over the unknown if I think I can't handle something (a task, a deadline, finding my way geographically - I have no inner compas). Yet, when I am confident about something, I LOVE change and sometimes seek it out.

I have to say, when I am driving, I now try alternate routes (completely blind - with no help or direction from any one) just to see where they will lead me. Every time I do this, I get more and more confident that I will find my way. I am trying to look at life this way as well. As long as I don't put myself in danger, mistakes are good learning tools.

WAY TO GO on your second novel and your dream of your own publishing Co.!!!