What's wrong with me?

[butterfly]

A friend of mine directed me to this sight and said that it may help me. So here it is. I am a truck drivers wife, and a mother of two kids.( the oldest just started pre-k) I am unable to get a job because it just doesnt make any sense to use my entire paycheck on day care. (small town ,no good jobs, andi have no college education)

But this is how my life goes. I wake up in the morning in a bad mood. I get angry when my kids whine and carry on about any thing, doesn't matter what . All i do all day is sit in front of the TV and eat. when i do try to get out of the house and exercise or thke the kids to the park. I cant seem to stick to it. I just want to hide from the world it seems. Here latly i don't even want to see my friends. And i dont want to go any where because i feel uncomfortable around others. I just dont know what to say or how to act.

My husband cant be the blame because he isnt here 90 percent of the time because he is tring to make a living for us. He tried to find a local job but the income just wasnt enough to pay our bills. As it is now i dont want to answer the phone because of fear of bill collectors.

I just wish i could leave it all behind and disappear off the face of the earth, but i love my kids, my husband, my family and my friends and i just cant do that.

What's wrong with me?


butterfly

[angelbird]

Just hang in there. I'm sorry for the way you feel and all I can do is listen. But I hate to see you unhappy, and I just feel helpless. Maybe I haven't been listening to you enough. You listen to me ramble on all the time. and for that and many other reason i love you. and you'll always be my best friend. Talk to me and tell me how I can help you feel better about yourself and about going around your friends.

[skaycee]

Hi butterfly......there's nothing "wrong" with you that isn't "wrong" with any of us when we're unhappy. Unhappiness and maybe depression sometimes comes out as irritability. Sounds like you're stuck in a little box with no windows or doors, and running away from it will only get you another little box with no windows or doors. Why don't you create a little "window" for yourself to start with.....this afternoon, instead of sitting down with the soaps, go outdoors or at least to a quiet place somewhere, with a pad of paper & start to list who you are, preferably the positive aspects. If you weren't in a closed-up box, what would you be doing? What kind of people would be in your life? What might you be doing with your kids? Would you work, and if so, what kind of work would you be doing, if you were free to do it? Also....you call yourself "butterfly". That tells me a lot! What does that say to you? I'm not on my computer every day, but I'll watch for your responses this week. Peace and love to you.

[skaycee]

P.S. butterfly.......I just remembered that there's a book out now about a hundred or so jobs that women can do from home. You might try to find that at your local bookstore or library. sue

[butterfly]

Thanks for the advice skaycee. I have been thinking over the last few days and i belive that the first thing that i should do is to get a little organization in my life. Besides how can you try to do better for yourself if you or your stuff isnt organized.

Now for getting out of this house (box) i am trying to go for walks with my daughter after i drop off my son at school in the mornings. I remember nine years a go when i was happy and one thing that made me feel better was to walk through the neighberhood everyday. I also looked better then too.

Butterfly is what i use to be and now it is what i want to be again. Beautiful, graceful, and full of life. Now i just feel traped.

And angelbird you have a way to drag me out of here when you come around. Still just a little stuck between what i want to do and what i have to do but you give me a break from my same old grind. As for listening to me, it's not you. I rarely break down and let it all out. When i do you can bet that i'm really stressed. Most of the time i keep it all to myself. I'm not much of a people person but i i'm learning fromyou and i am a better listener than a talker.

Now as for a job, i'd be much happier working than sitting at home. But for now i would like to work at home. It would make me feel alot better to make a little money to help out with things than to let my husband do it all. I have found one company that i have researched and it sounds good to me but i just got to get the fee and send it off.. Hopfuly i can do that in a couple of weeks.

Baby steps right?

[Jan]

Dear Butterfly,

You could use a lot of support right now. How about taking time for *you* and finding a Life Makeover Group in your area to connect with other moms and get support? If you don't see a listing for a group in your area, please consider starting one. The support people give one another is phenomenal! Networking with others will often open doors in areas you wouldn't have thought of. The power of connection brings out the very best in people. You never know what opportunities may come up too - "so and so" may be looking for someone part time to work from home or for help with planting a garden, or "so and so" needs someone to walk their dog in the middle of the day while at work, etc. You probably have hidden talents you can put into action by posting business cards on local bulletin boards - be creative! Brainstorm with a Life Makeover group on ways to make extra income - you never know what ideas may come up! Also, I caution you to please research the company you are interested in working for from home before you send them any money. Companies who ask you to pay *them* money for the opportunity to make money and work for them may have a hidden agenda. I have heard of horror stories of people sending money just to receive a listing of companies to work from home rather than receiving what they thought they would be getting. Read the fine print!

We're here for you Butterfly - let us know how you are doing.
Jan

[butterfly]

Jan

Thanks for the advice on the work at home scams. I have to admit that i was scamed a couple of times already and that is what made me check this one out first. I went to thier web site and seen what kind of assembly products they had and what they paid for the finished items. I also called the company and talked to a real person and not a computer like the last two, and i also check with the better business bueru. So far they seem legit. The fee is"supose"to cover the supplies they send you.

I will either do this or find a craft of my own a see if i can market it. I have a couple fo ideas but not sure how they will sell.

now as for joining a support group maybe i will talk to my friend that shqwed me this site and see if she is in one. then maybe i wouldnt feel so nervous about meeting new people.

[stlgal]

butterfly,

It's funny how one person can seem trapped in their lives and then someone can take a look at that exact same life and see what wonderful possibilities exist in it!

I work full-time outside of the home and would give anything to be able to convert to (what I see as) the more peaceful life of staying home. Especially once I have children, I know this is something I really want to do.

Try this... something that's really been helping me lately: open up a word processing software and type the word "grateful" in large letters in your favorite font and print out a bunch of copies. Now... grab some tape and stick the word to physical places in your house where you normally start to experience these feelings. For example, I have the word grateful stuck to my dashboard. I have a 45 minute commute to work each day and don't get much enjoyment out of my job, but I am grateful because I HAVE a job and don't have to worry (as much) about paying the bills. I have the word grateful taped to my dishwasher because, even though I hate to do dishes, the fact that I do them means that I have food on the table. Some people aren't as lucky!

Try and shift your focus as well: Your husband is gone 90% of the time, supporting you and your children. Yes, this is tough because I'm sure you'd like to have him around for emotional support and for help with the house and the kids.. BUT... you could have a husband who didn't have the motivation or love to go out and get a job that supports all of you! You could have a job outside the home that could help with the bills... BUT... you don't have someone barking orders at you all day (at least anyone over the age of 18!) and you can avoid traffic, take-out meals at lunch and daycare!

Shifting your attitude and outlook may be the only things you can change right now, but it makes a real difference!

Good luck!
stlgal