need help making decisions

[justine]

Maybe some of you can give me a little perspective on something that I seem too personally involved in to see clearly. I live in a city I really don't like and would like to move somewhere with less crime and more opportunities. Naturally, my friends and family do not support this idea of mine. Problem is, I have visited several cities that seem better than where I am but am afraid to make the move and having trouble deciding where to move. I have education and good job history. Most of the cities that are better places are more expensive than where I live now. I'm also concerned about making new friends. I am married and my husband feels the same way I do, wants to move, not sure where but also he feels uncertain about change. Where do I go from here?
I am looking forward to hearing any insights you might have to help me get unstuck.

[Shawn Mory McMillion]

Dear Justine:

It's very difficult to make a large move to another city but you've already made the most difficult decision of all-to actually do it! Your husband has indicated that he's supportive and also wants to move. So, here's a few suggestions that I hope are of some help to the both of you.

Make a list of places that you've either already visited or would like to go and visit. What did you like about those places? Do you like a busy, urban area or are you more of a country gal at heart? What kinds of activities do you enjoy pursuing; both alone and with your husband? Do you enjoy art galleries, concerts, the theater, night clubbing or do you two like to hike and camp? What is your training in? What is your husband's? If money weren't an object, where would you live?

Can you and your husband take some time off and go on some budget/economy road trips to your fantasy areas of interest? That is a great way to "try on" different areas without the expense and effort of actually moving. Get different magazines and pick out pictures of places that you're both attracted to and create a large collage or, minimally, pin those photos to a bulliten board. Notice any repeating patterns. In the back of most womens magazines there are free booklets and travel guides for nearly all 50 states; send off for them. Contact the Chamber of Commerce in any city that you're attracted to and request a relocation packet from them. These are usually available for a minimal cost if they aren't free. As you narrow your search down, you can also go to a major library and use their reference desk to research the Yellow Pages of the city your interested in. Reading the Yellow Pages gives you a great idea of the services and employment opportunities available. Don't worry about making new friends in a new community because there are lots of places you'll meet people just in the course of moving. If you attend a church or synagogue, you'll meet like minded persons there. In the course of gaining new employment, you'll both meet people. Most larger city libraries have events calendars that list free or low cost civic activities; farmers markets, free concerts, poetry readings, art exhibits and the like. If there's a Jewish Community Center in the towns that you're considering a move to, they will also have additional lists of civic events that you can attend and, no, one doesn't have to be Jewish to attend. Many churches and community centers also have a listing of cultural events, as does any mayoral office or county building. You can volunteer to meet new people, attend a religious service, participate in community events. Don't worry about meeting new friends-they're out there for the taking.

God bless to you as you embark on this new and exciting adventure in your lives.

Sincerely,

[manders]

Dear Justine,

You are looking to move based on a desire for a better quality of life. Most people move because of an external factor like a job change or to be near family. You are considering this because of an internal prompting. That's really courageous. You are honoring your values.

Why don't you make a list of all the positive factors you want in your dream home town and likewise a list of the negative factors or dealbreakers. This is like Cheryl's discussion of creating a profile of an ideal client. What would your ideal place to live be like? This sounds like a fun and creative thing to do with your husband.

A therapist had my husband and I do this about ten years ago. Five years ago we moved here - small town, private school, military community, teaching jobs, white clapboard farmhouse with a porch, freedom for our daughter to run and play - exactly what we had described. If only we had had Cheryl's books back then, it might have taken a lot less time to reach our goal!

Marta