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[sensitivepooh30]

Hi..
I was just wondering if anyone had some guidance for me.
I am 30 years old, and pretty dissatisfied with my life right now.
I am in a thankless job, making ok money, I still live at home..
I want more from my life, but I am filled with fear..I know there are things I want to change..But..
A few weeks ago, I experienced this overwhelming anxiety around my current boyfriend..We broke up, but I am still afraid..I am in therapy, trying to figure out why I am having these feelings..I don't think these feelings stem from him, as things were going great despite minor setbacks..I think our relationship became the focus of what was "wrong" with my life..and I started to analyze what he was doing with his life, instead of focusing on my goals..(in other words, I didn't take an honest look at myself)
Has anyone ever sabotaged their happiness like this before?
And, can fear cripple me like this?
Any thoughts would be helpful..

Thanks in advance..

[sherelle1]

Hi,

Bingo! Bingo! Bingo!

Dissatisfaction with life is not as bad a thing as we make it to be. I know it feels awful, but it actually has a very useful purpose. If it is allowed to, it helps to steer a person towards a more meanigful and fulfilled life. Life is so precious. It is meant to be lived at its maximum level. I truly believe that if we are not doing this a natural "dissatisfaction" mechanism kicks in that won't let us be until we do what is natural; move towards happiness by acheiving our goals. Some learn to numb and resist that mechanism, but somehow, I don't think that is you. The very fact that you found and posted to this board is a step in the right direction. Now you have to start taking more steps towards being satisfied with your life.

Self-sabotage is a negative way of dealing with dissatisfaction in life. I have done it many times and I am thankful that I have survived myself thus far.

I can tell you from experience that panic as well as anxiety attacks stem from a fear you have inside. Hurts and fears are very closely related. Let's say for example, you had never seen fire before. You are fascinated by the way it moves and the warmth that it brings you. You put your hand into it to explore further and you feel this terrible, searing pain. The next time you see that fire, you are deathly afraid of it. This is a very primitive response, but it is very close to how we deal with emotional pain. As an adult, you know what fire is, you know what it can do and for your safety, you have a healthy respect for it instead of fear. Now you can enjoy it in a fireplace or at a bon fire. You've learned how to live with it.

This is what we have to do with our emotional pain. I truly believe that some of our panic and anxiety attacks happen because we don't know how to understand what we are afraid of. I believe we get a "sensory overload" which becomes an actual panic or anxiety attack. I know there are also physical aspects to what causes an attack, but I believe one touches the other. We react the same way a child does to the fire because the child does not know better until it gets a little older.

I think the key to getting a grip on these dibilitaiting emotions is by the old saying, "Know thyself". Talk to others about what you feel. Write down what you feel in a journal to help you sort things out. You have to get to a point where you can start taking positive actions in your life without sabotaging yourself. So do I.

Last but not least: No one can fix you but you. When you are in a relationship, you can see his faults and he can see yours, but that is a source of conflict because blinders go up for each person not being able to deal with their own issues. The breakthrough for me was when both my husband and I stopped trying to fix each other and just helped support each other to fix ourselves. When your mate tries to fix you, it's hard because you see their faults and wonder how they can "go there" when they have their own problems.

I wish you the best.