Recently I was asked by a friend to forward a copy of a commencement
speech I delivered a couple of years ago to a graduating class of
high school students. She wanted to share it with her kids. As I
read over the piece -- a top-ten list of wisdom I've learned from my
clients -- I realized that I needed to hear these things again
myself. I hope you find it helpful, too . . .
Dear Class,
For the last fifteen years I've worked as a coach helping people to
create great lives. I've guided artists, entrepreneurs, corporate
employees, or moms and dads through the process of identifying their
goals and crafting an action plan, and then I've held them
accountable for taking the actions that will improve the quality of
their lives. I've learned a lot about what makes for a great life -
a life that honors who we really are; our values and most treasured
priorities. And I've learned about what gets in the way.
Today I'd like to share a list of ten things my clients tell me they
wish they had known earlier in life (me too!). As difficult as it is
to listen to adults, trust me, if you take even one piece of advice
from this list and use it, you've got a much better chance of leading
a full and happy life.
1. Relax. Nowadays there's too much pressure put on kids to make the "perfect" career choice. You're still young. Give yourself plenty
of time to chart your own course. After all, current studies show
that adults will change careers (not jobs) 5 to 7 times in a
lifetime. We all have multiple gifts and talents that need to be
honored and expressed. The choices you make today will grow and
evolve over time, so don't worry. Think of your career as a long-term
portfolio of jobs that will express the fullness of who you
are. There are no perfect choices.
2. Spend more time on the who than the what. What you do will always
be less important than who you become. Knowledge is great but it
will never take you as far as your courage, your integrity, your
reputation for someone who keeps his or her word, or your commitment
to be of service to others in some important way. As you go through
life, get in the habit of asking yourself "how can I grow from this
experience?"
3. Follow your heart. Stop worrying so much about what everyone else
thinks. The most important relationship you'll ever have is with
you. When I think about all of the regrets I've heard from adults
over the years, the biggest one always has to do with listening to
everyone else but themselves. Start early. Make your own rules and
follow them. At the end of your life, the only person you'll have to
answer to is you.
4. Develop your "maverick muscle." Be willing to bend the rules,
learn how to disappoint others gracefully, get comfortable with
people not liking you, and always strive to be an original
thinker. I have a little sign in my office that says: No Guts, No
Glory, and I use it to remind myself to go against the grain as much
as possible.
5. Be practical. The skills that will carry you the furthest through
life are your ability to communicate with others both in speaking and
writing. Commit to becoming an excellent communicator and success is
yours for the taking. Also, think about the practical courses you
might need later on. I can assure you that some of the courses
you've already taken - the ones that you're sure you'll never need -
will come in handy.
6. Build your courage muscles. Starting tomorrow, practice doing one
small thing a day that frightens you. Learn to water ski or finally
ask that guy or girl you've been eyeing to have dinner. Small acts
of courage strengthen your ability to take even bigger leaps later on
like deciding to write your own book or backpack through Europe. If
you really want to build your courage muscles, take a public speaking
course. It will not only contribute to the last piece of advice
(becoming an excellent
communicator), it's one of the fastest ways I know to build
confidence and self esteem. Confident people rarely settle for less!
7. Don't go to the hardware store for milk. When you're excited
about doing something or trying to make an important decision, make
sure you turn to those people who will encourage you to take a chance
- the ones who believe in you rather than those who will tell you why
something won't work. Surround yourself with positive people - the
kind of people who challenge you to reach beyond your fear rather
than play it safe. There will always be people telling you why an
idea is risky, or why you can't do something. That advice is usually
based on the mistakes they've made or the chances they didn't take
because they were afraid. But, always remember
this: someone else's past doesn't equal your future. When faced
with a naysayer, smile, say thank you, and turn around. Stick with
positive people who believe in you. Remember, if you needed milk,
you wouldn't go to the hardware store. And by the way, you're mom
was right. You do become who you hang around with. Choose wisely.
8. Live by this mantra: where there's a will, there's a way. Don't
give up when things get hard.
9. Keep your body sacred - it's the only vehicle you have to carry
you on this journey called life. If you smoke, quit. If you don't,
never start. Limit your alcohol consumption. Aside from the
physical and practical dangers of drinking too much, one of the
greatest detriments is that alcohol numbs you just enough to make it
easier to live a mediocre life. You deserve better than that.
10. Stay connected. Your connection to technology, email and instant
messaging, will never replace your connection with those you
love. Every now and then pick up the phone and call a friend, or
visit a loved one rather than send an email or an instant
message. Too often I've seen technology draw a wedge between
people. Always remember that it's who we love and who loves us that
matters most at the end of our lives.
Finally, at the time you were born you were given an amazing gift - a
gift that most of us forget about as we grow older. It's the power
to design your own unique life. You are an artist. The canvas is
your life. From this moment on, take ownership of this gift and use
it wisely. If you do, your life will become an extraordinary work of
art. Congratulations!
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