Last week I had one of those experiences where the advice I gave came back to haunt me at just the right moment -- in a good way :). We're almost done with our new home and one of the subcontractors working on the bedroom closet needed me to make a design decision about something so he could finish the project and go home. Several times he asked me what to do and, feeling pressured to appease him, I almost made a snap decision when my builder, Mark, stopped me with some unexpected advice:
"Didn't I just read something about giving up the good girl role, Cheryl? I suggest you take your time and worry about making the right decision rather than making it easy for him to go home. You're paying good money for this job so make sure you get what you want."
I wanted to hug him -- after I got over my shock at realizing he read the newsletter :). I was so grateful that he had the courage to be straight with me because in that moment, it wasn't really about the closet, it was about becoming more aware of how automatic the good girl kicks in when it comes to getting my needs met. That awareness affects my whole life, not just the house.
For too many of us, the habit of putting our needs aside in service to others is second nature. While most of us are caring, compassionate human beings who want to be there for people, it's a problem when it becomes a chronic (often hidden) habit that prevents us from taking care of ourselves. Once again, awareness is the key. Think about it. How often do you . . .
- Settle for less than what you really, really want when paying for a product or service?
- Allow people to rush you into making a decision before you're ready?
- Make a decision that goes against your gut because you feel pressured to do so?
- Let someone off the hook when they haven't yet fulfilled your needs?
The answers to the above questions are meant to bring your awareness to a few of the more subtle ways that you might give up your needs in everyday life. Once you know what you do, the corrective step becomes clear. Mark's reminder allowed me to step back, tell the subcontractor that I needed more time, and make a choice out of creative freedom instead of frustration.
You can, too. We'll talk about these strategies tonight on the call. So, be sure to bring your good girl or good boy cloak so we can lay them down together :).
P.S. - Thanks, Mark! :-)
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